


Broken

by 1_Lucy_1



Series: The Soldier's Girl [1]
Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Action & Romance, Bucky Angst, Bucky Barnes Feels, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Bucky Barnes Remembers, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Romance, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-05
Updated: 2014-07-05
Packaged: 2018-02-07 15:00:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 32,022
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1903383
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/1_Lucy_1/pseuds/1_Lucy_1
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>(Winter Soldier/Bucky Barnes x OC)</p>
<p>--Set after CA:WS--</p>
<p>Alex's day seems to go from bad to worse and when she knocks a guy down with her car, it seems like she's reached an all time low. But is the mystery man with the metal arm really someone to save?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

(Hopefully you guys will enjoy this, I apologise in advance if it's terrible)

 

Driving home at 3am was not fun. But, when you work in a nightclub it's kind of to be expected.

Well, _worked_.

As she reached the red light, Alex leant her head on the steering wheel, recalling the night's events.

\-- _"Hey, baby" the guy at the end of the bar slurred for what seemed like the hundredth time as she passed him. "Darlin', I'm talkin' to you!"_

_She sighed and turned face him, plastering on her biggest fake smile, "What can I get you?"_

_"How 'bout a kiss?"_

_"I only do drinks, sorry pal" Alex went to move away, but the strong grasp on her wrist prevented her. He leant across the bar, pulling her close to him, the stench of alcohol on his breath was enough to make her gag._

_"Listen, sweetheart, I'm paying you here. So if I want some extra...service, it's your job to provide that." Something in the way he spoke made her skin crawl. And though she tried to move again, she couldn't fight her way out of his grip before his lips crashed into hers. _

_Quick to react, Alex brought her hand up, slapping him hard around the face and in his disorientation, she managed to step out of his grasp._

_The man chuckled. "Feisty. I like that." He reached for her again and her hand shot out instinctively, the heel of her palm connecting with his nose producing a crunch. He doubled over in pain, clutching his bloody nose and Alex felt a twinge of pride. But that feeling was short-lived as her boss, Jack, rushed over._

_"Alex! What the hell do you think you're doing?!" He began apologising profusely to the man still cradling his nose._

_"This guy seemed to think that my job was to provide him with a special 'service'" she spat back at Jack. How was she the one in the wrong here?_

_"Your job is whatever he says it is! He owns the club!" --_

And, well, that was the end of that. Not that she wasn't glad to be out of there, but Alex didn't much like the idea of being unemployed. 

The car behind her beeped it's horn, pulling her out of her thoughts and she could see that the light had changed to green. Alex carried on driving and the nearer she got to her apartment building, the quieter the roads became. 

Music. That'd make her feel better. 

She only took her eyes off the road for a second to switch on the radio when she heard the sickening thud of something bouncing off her bonnet. Slamming on the brakes, Alex squeezed her eyes tightly shut, silently praying that she'd imagined it and that when she opened her eyes, the road in front of her would be completely clear. 

Unfortunately life was not that kind, and in the middle of the road there was a dark figure sprawled out on the tarmac.

"Shit." 

Slowly, Alex opened the door and stepped out of the car, the cold night air especially chilling now. _I could leave_ , she thought before shaking the thought away, _I can't just leave them._

She approached the seemingly lifeless form, crouching down beside them - _Please don't be dead._

Long hair obscured the face but she was pretty sure that it was a man. Alex reached out a hand with the intention of moving the chestnut locks. But just then he groaned, causing Alex to fall back, shocked at the sound but relieved that he was at least alive. Rolling onto his back with another groan revealed a metal arm, it's silver gleaming in her bright headlights. 

_Well, that's impressive if not completely unnerving._

His eyes shot open and he looked directly at Alex, the intensity of his stare freezing her to the spot. He looked angry - which was understandable, considering she had just hit him with her car. Alex made a move to apologise, but he started, as though he was going to attack her until he found that the pain in his ribs was to intense, causing him to cry out. 

"Don't move," she said, pulling out her phone, "I'm gonna call you an ambulance." 

"No..." he protested weakly, "No ambulance." 

Alex debated whether to listen to him or not, but considering she'd done this to him, she really wasn't in a position to argue. She sighed, "Fine. Let me put you in the car and I'll take you to the hospital myself." 

"Can't... I can't go to the hospital..." His pain was evident from his voice, but there was something else. He almost seemed scared, panicking slightly at her suggestion. _Why couldn't he go to the hospital?_

Worried that he'd cause himself more damage, Alex placed her hand gently on his arm trying to calm him down, "Okay...okay. No hospital." She sighed resignedly, knowing that there was only one other option. "Let's get you up and into the car. I'll take you back to my apartment and patch you up there." 

Slowly she helped him to sit upright, watching him carefully to see when the pain worsened before putting his arm around her shoulders and pulling him up, acting as a human crutch. Alex sat him in the passenger seat, clipping his seat belt into place. As she looked at his face she noticed that his eyes were closed and his breathing was steady. She really hoped that he was just asleep and hadn't passed out. 

Closing the car door as quietly as she could, Alex moved to the driver's side, taking in a few deep breaths of the cold air, letting the night's events sink in. 

First she was assaulted, then she was fired, _then_ she hits a guy with her car, a guy who refused medical attention and panicked at just the mention of a hospital. This guy could be a psychopathic killer for all she knew... and she was taking him back to her apartment. 

"Well done, Alex. Excellent night's work." She muttered to herself before starting the car.


	2. Chapter 2

The rest of the journey was quiet with only the sound of the injured man's laboured breathing and the occasional whimper as he shifted in his sleep. Alex found herself constantly switching from watching the road to checking her passenger, making sure that he wasn't, y'know, dead.

But when they pulled up outside her apartment building, Alex was faced with a different problem - to get him into the apartment she would have to wake him. Lifting him when he was half conscious was difficult enough and given how heavy he was Alex knew she'd never lift him alone.

Getting out and going round to his side, Alex made quick work of removing his seat belt before taking a deep breath and stepping back. He looked so peaceful. She didn't want to wake him, but trying to drag him upstairs unconscious might do more harm than good.

Gently, she shook his shoulder, only now realising that his clothes were wet, and he stirred a little. "Hey, wake up" Alex said in the softest voice she could muster, shaking his shoulder again.

Suddenly his hand shot out, gripping Alex's wrist hard (thankfully it was his non-metal hand), a look of fierce anger in his eyes, before he leapt out of his seat, pushing Alex onto the bonnet. But he was hit by a tidal wave of pain which caused him to stop an clutch his midsection, taking his hands off Alex who, after recovering for a moment rushed after him.

He backed away further into the road, eyeing her suspiciously as she approached him. Alex held up her hands, "Look, I'm not gonna hurt you - Well, not _again_ anyway." His expression didn't change as she came closer, but he'd stopped moving away, so she continued, "I just want to patch you up, but I need you to come upstairs so I can do that. You're the one who said 'no hospital'. So it's this or you stand there in the road and get hit by another car." Alex stopped, keeping some distance between them. His features softened, eyes trained on the ground as he seemed to consider her words.

"Ok." he mumbled, his eyes meeting hers again.

Alex moved to his right side and went to touch his arm (she didn't feel like taking her chances with the metal one), but he moved out of her grasp before she had a chance. "What are you doing?" he asked, suspicion returning to his eyes.

"I live on the fourth floor, you're not gonna be able to make it up there on your own, that ankle isn't looking too hot," Alex drew his attention to the fact that he was carrying his weight on the left, unable to put any on his right side. "Put your arm around my shoulder and I'll support your weight."

His eyebrows furrowed almost as though he couldn't understand why she was trying to help him. Alex tried for his arm again and this time he didn't protest, allowing her to take his weight. As they moved inside she tried not to notice that his gaze was fixed on her. "So, you got a name?"

"He said it was Bucky."

As much as Alex wanted to know who 'he' was, she sensed that it wasn't something that he was particularly eager to discuss. "Bucky it is then."

 

**Bucky's POV:**

She opened the door, with some difficulty he noticed, as she refused to let go of him which he had to admit he was glad of, the combined pain of his ribs and ankle was becoming unbearable. Together, they made it over to the couch where she carefully helped him to sit.

"I'm gonna get the first aid box" she spoke quickly before leaving the room and Bucky looking around, taking in his new surroundings. He couldn't remember being anywhere this nice before. But saying that, he couldn't remember a lot right now. It wasn't that the apartment was particularly extravagant, but it made him feel more comfortable than only one of Hydra's labs and that was better than is she had taken him to a palace.

The woman came back in with a box and he suddenly realised that she hadn't told him who she was. "What's your name?" he asked quickly, seeming to take her by surprise.

"Alex."

_Isn't that a boy's name?_

She must have noticed his confusion as she followed that with "It's short for Alexis." He saw her smile as she sat on the table in front of him, opening the box.

_No one there smiled at him._

"I'm gonna need you to take off your shirt so I can clean those cuts."

He carefully undid the various buckles on the vest attached to his shirt before grabbing the hem only to wince as he started to pull. Hearing this, Alex dropped the bandage she was holding. "Here," she took the hem in her hands and he froze. He felt his eyes widen. _They only touched him when he needed to be punished_.

"I haven't done anything wrong..." he whispered urgently, the increased pace at which his chest now rose and fell causing a searing pain in his ribs.

He looked up at Alex to find a look of confused concern on her face, "I know," Her tone was reassuring, "I'm just going to help you take off your shirt."

Bucky dropped his hands, allowing her to carefully lift off the shirt, exposing a large cut that neither of them had noticed. He heard her sharp intake of breath as she saw the wound and, tossing the shirt aside Alex picked out the rubbing alcohol and a cloth. "This is gonna hurt, but it needs to be cleaned because I'll have to stitch it up." She looked to him and he nodded once. As soon as the alcohol soaked cloth touched the open wound Bucky's jaw tensed.

Luckily Alex worked quickly and the next thing he knew she was preparing to stitch the wound up. When she started, Bucky had become accustomed to the pain it caused and instead of focusing on that, he began studying the woman before him. _Why was she helping him? Didn't she know what he'd done?_

"Are you a doctor?" he asked tentatively, not wanting to sit and stare at her.

"No, but my mom was a nurse, so I picked up some things from her." Alex's eyes were trained on the job at hand.

"Was?"

She dropped her gaze, before looking up at Bucky with sad eyes, "She died."

"I'm sorry."

She shrugged, giving him a tight smile as she tied off the thread. "There. All done." He remained silent as she covered the stitches, ensuring that nothing was let exposed.

"Okay, let me feel if there are any breaks in your ribs, put your hands here," she tapped her shoulders, indicating where he should rest his hands.

Bucky shuddered as Alex's hands gently touched his ribs. "I'm sorry of this hurts or if my hands are cold," she smiled warmly at him and he pressed his lips tightly together, unable to tell her that it wasn't the pain or the cold but the gentleness of her touch that made him react this way. He was so used to the only touch he felt being harsh and unkind that it shocked him that Alex was being so careful not to cause him pain.

"Well, I don't think you've broken any," she spoke, though her attention was still on running her hands around his midsection. "I think they're just bruised. I'll give you some painkillers when I've bandaged up your ankle."

One bandage later and Alex handed him two painkillers and some water, which he gladly took. "Here, put these on. They should fit." She handed him a large sweatshirt and some jogging bottoms "I can't leave you in soaking wet clothes."

"Thanks." He took the clothes from her, gingerly pulling on the shirt.

"I'll put this away while you change." Alex picked up the first aid box and left.

He changed and sat back on the couch. For the first time in a long time he felt tired. Really tired.

 

**Alex's POV:**

She walked back into the lounge and her eyes immediately went to the couch where she saw that Bucky had fallen asleep. Alex looked at the clock - 5:30am. Normally, she'd just be leaving work.

If she was honest she never liked working there and it wasn't ever meant to be long term, but she didn't know what she wanted to do, she just needed time to decide.

Switching on the TV, she immediately turned down the volume, so as not to wake Bucky. However, being so early in the morning, all that she could really find to watch was the news - and that was a little too much reality for her right now. But, as she went to turn off the TV, something caught her eye.

There was footage of a man purposefully striding towards the man she knew as Captain America, gun raised, with a caption that read _'Hunt Still On for the Winter Soldier'_. The altercation itself wasn't all that surprising to her, it was your standard Captain America vs. Bad Guy fight that showed up on the news every so often, but something drew her eye to the man he was fighting. He had a metal arm, a bit like...

Her eyes fell on the sleeping man who currently occupied her couch, as the news continued in the background.

_'Authorities are still on the search for the assassin known only as 'The Winter Soldier', shown here fighting Captain America earlier today'_

Alex forced herself to look back at the screen. It looked like Bucky, but he seemed different. The man in the video moved with precision, he was focused and his every move severe - _that_ man was an assassin. But the Bucky that she'd met, the man whose wounds she dressed, he seemed scared. There was something or someone he was afraid of - the way he kept flinching when she approached him and what he said as she tried to help him with his shirt - _"I haven't done anything wrong..."_

He'd been hurt, long before she got to him. He couldn't be the man in the video...

_'A warning is being issued to our viewers not to approach this man as he may be armed and will not hesitate to attack'_

Could he?

_'If you do see this 'Winter Soldier' we ask that you call 911 immed--'_

The screen went black and Alex's heart sank as she saw the torn cable gripped tightly in Bucky's metal hand. She hadn't even heard him move. _But I suppose assassins are meant to be quiet_ , she thought with a bitterness that surprised her.

Risking a glance at his face, their eyes met and Alex, who thought that she'd see the hard eyes of an assassin was confused by his fearful expression. _Shouldn't she be the scared one?_

"It's not what it looks like."


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After learning who he is, Alex wants to know more about Bucky...but does he have the answers she wants?

"It's not what it looks like."

Alex looked at him incredulously, "Good, because it looks like you're trying to kill Captain America!" He winced a little at her words as though no one had ever put it so simply before.

Bucky dropped the cable, "I had to! They made me!"

"'They made me', what are you - a child?! Bucky, what could - no!" she cut off as he went to step towards her. "You are gonna tell explain to me what you're talking about and you're gonna do it while there's a reasonable distance between us," she held up her hands up to illustrate her point. _Yeah, because you'd be able to stop him._

Alex watched him carefully as he returned to his place on the couch. "Okay. First question - who are 'they'?"

"I don't know exactly...doctors I think, there were men with guns and... the man in the suit - he told me what I had to do." He didn't look at Alex as he spoke, staring off though not actually looking at anything. He seemed to be really struggling with this.

But Alex didn't soften, she needed to know who he was to be sue she hadn't let some kind of psycho into her home. "You keep saying that you 'had' to - why? What did they do to you if you didn't?"

"There was this room." Bucky's lips pursed, his eyes seemed to narrow as though thinking of this angered him. "They sat me in his chair...held me down," his brow furrowed. "Then I had to bite down before they put something on my head..."

Alex was confused, but when she looked over she saw that Bucky was too. He didn't seem to remember anything clearly. _Why?_

"Then what?" she urged him to continue.

"Then...I don't know what they did, I just remember the pain... there was so much pain... And then nothing."

The penny dropped. "They wiped your memory?" Alex posed it as a question, though she wasn't sure why - even if they did he wouldn't exactly know.

He shrugged, "All I had was what they gave me... Until that man I was fighting--"

"Captain America?" she interjected, but he looked at her with a blank expression. _He probably didn't take a name, Alex._ "Sorry, carry on."

"I knew him. There was something deep down when he spoke to me. It was small...but I knew him." Bucky spoke with conviction, like he thought Alex wouldn't believe him. "They wanted me to kill him, but I couldn't do it. And he fell...and even though I knew the pain of disobeying them, I had to save him." He looked to Alex, eyes wide with confusion, shining with the threat of tears. "He called me Bucky... No one there had ever given me a name before."

He'd been through so much. Everything made sense now, the way he flinched when she moved anywhere near him, how he'd freaked out when she'd touched him. He was scared - not of her but of who she _could_ be and what she might do to him. He was just a tool to be used when they needed someone to do their dirty work. But the worst part was that was all he really knew.

Well, that and Captain America. Bucky knew Captain America... Bucky. Then it hit her like a tonne of bricks. "Oh my God. You're Bucky Barnes."

His eyebrows knit together, "That's what he said."

Alex almost laughed, "That's because that's who you are - were - are." She shook her head and moved across to sit next to him. "But how are you here?"

Bucky was getting more confused by the minute, "You...you brought me here."

"No, not _here_ here, but here - 2014," she clarified, but it only served to make him more confused. _Yeah, Alex, ask the mind-wiped guy some more questions about his past._ "Sorry, forget that."

"I'd have to remember it first." Alex looked up to see a small smile on his face before they both burst into laughter at his clumsy attempt at a joke. He didn't seem so dangerous now she knew, but she so wanted to help him remember who he was before he was made into a weapon.

And she knew where to start. "There's something you need to see."

 

"Where are we going?" Bucky asked nervously as he stood in the doorway of what he assumed was Alex's bedroom, watching her pull various items from her wardrobe.

"You'll see," she called over her shoulder to him, "Where is that - ah! Got it!" Alex stepped out of the wardrobe, throwing a cap to Bucky, which he easily caught. "Put that on."

"Why?"

She turned to face him, "Because there's gonna be a lot of people where we're going and the last thing we need is someone recognising you." Bucky put on the cap as she walked past him, out of the room.

"We going now?" he said anxiously, following behind her.

"Not just yet. We still have one problem." Alex gestured to his arm. "That's pretty conspicuous." she smiled.

"So, what do we do?"

She thought about it, "Oh! Come with me'" she took his arm and dragged him into another bedroom. It was pretty empty, simple furniture with only an open bin bag on the bed as any kind of decoration. "Spare room," Alex said by way of explanation, before she began rifling through the bag, "my ex left some stuff here and I've been meaning to get rid of it - good job I didn't though." She pulled out a large trench coat. "This should cover your arm."

 

The journey to the Smithsonian was tense and Alex could tell that Bucky was anxious about where she was taking him. He had no reason to trust her and with all that he'd gone through, she understood why he didn't.

They had about half an hour until the exhibit opened and Alex spotted a little cafe nearby, "I'm gonna go and get some breakfast - want anything?"

"Food?" he seemed surprised.

"Generally, yeah."

This would be a long morning if she waited for him to choose something, "You know what? I'll get you something. Just wait here."

Bucky sat down on a bench nearby, watching Alex as she went into the cafe. She confused him. He couldn't understand why she wanted to help him - she shouldn't want to help him. He was a murderer.

_What if she's working with them?_ he thought, his heart-rate slowly increasing as panic set in. What if she brought him there to hand him over? _Maybe that's where she's really gone..._

He was just about to make a break for it when he saw Alex coming back with two cups in her hands and a paper bag tucked under her arm. Slowly, he sat back down.

"Are you okay? she sat next to him, brows furrowed.

"Yeah," he breathed out, feeling his pulse calm.

Alex didn't seem convinced, but she didn't push him. Instead she handed him one of the cups, "It's coffee."

"I don't think I've ever had that before..." Bucky looked questioningly at the dark liquid.

Alex chuckled, "A coffee virgin? That's rare."

"Really?"

"Yeah, the country pretty much runs on it." She opened the paper bag, "I also got you a cookie."

He smiled as she handed him the large chocolate chip cookie, "It's warm," he said quietly as he took a tentative bite.

"Yeah," That was all Alex could say, puzzled by his reaction.

"Everything they gave me was cold."

She felt a pull at her heart as he spoke, it seemed as though he'd been no better than an animal to these people. "Well, eat up before it gets cold."

 

They finished just as the crowds began to arrive. "So, what's your verdict on coffee?" Alex asked as they stood.

"It's alright."

"Woah, slow down there soldier, don't want people thinking you're obsessed or something." He laughed as she took his cup and threw their trash away. "Come on, let's go."

 

They managed to get into the exhibit unnoticed, Alex taking Bucky's arm to make them seem less suspicious. Moving around the exhibit, it seemed to do little to jog his memory - until they reached a familiar face.

_'Best friends since childhood, Bucky Barnes and Steven Rogers were inseparable on both school yard and battlefield. Barnes is the only Howling Commando to give his life in service of his country...'_

As he focused on the video of him and Captain America, images flashed through Bucky's mind, a scrawny kid getting beat up, being captured and experimented on, a train, the cold...he was falling. His heartbeat crept higher and higher, his chest heaving and causing his ribs to ache - he fell so far...

"Bucky," Alex spoke in a hushed tone, so no one could hear but him, when she noticed his reaction.

It was no use, he couldn't breathe, the was so many people in here, he had to get out. Before Alex could say anything, Bucky had let go of her arm, pushing his way through the crowds, towards the exit.

When she got outside she found Bucky leaning against her car, panting as though he'd just run a marathon, a look of terror in his wide eyes.

"Are you okay? What happened in there?" Alex asked, clearly concerned by how she'd found him.

"I remember," he panted, "I was on a train with Steve and I fell - he tried to reach for me, but I fell. And I just kept falling and falling until everything went dark." He was still breathing heavily as he tried to remember everything he could, like he thought if he didn't tell her, it would all disappeared again. "When I woke up, Hydra had found me...that's how I lost the arm." Bucky's voice was only a whisper as his eyes fell on his metallic limb.

"Hydra? Are they the ones who did this to you?"

He nodded and Alex began to worry as it seemed like Bucky was on the verge of hyperventilating, so before he could attract attention to himself she placed her hands on either side of his face. He froze and it occurred to her that it could've been a rash move, but Alex needed him to focus.

"Bucky, you're okay. Take some deep breaths. Calm down." she spoke softly and after he registered what she said, he copied what Alex was doing, breathing deeply.

After a while he'd calmed down enough that Alex could take away her hands and step back, giving him some room. "Thanks." Bucky murmured, looking at Alex hesitantly.

"It's okay. I know it must be overwhelming to suddenly remember all those things." Alex looked up, feeling raindrops begin to fall, "Do you want to go back in?"

He shook his head, she could tell that he had a lot to process and he didn't want to risk another panic attack. "Okay then. Let's go home."

 

Most of their drive was quiet, Bucky didn't feel like talking and Alex wasn't about to push him. But then, out of the silence his voice came, soft and uncertain, "Sergeant James Buchanan Barnes of the 107th, serial number 32557241."

"What?" he spoke so quietly, that she couldn't hear him clearly.

"Sergeant James Buchanan Barnes of the 107th, serial number 32557241," he said, slightly louder this time, turning to face Alex. He looked confused, like he didn't know where this memory had come from or what it meant, but he had to say it out loud. "I think that's who I was."

Alex looked at him and grinned when she saw the corner of his mouth curled up into a small smile that lit up his features. She hadn't really noticed before but he was actually pretty attractive, especially when he smiled.

"So, Bucky's short for Buchanan, huh?" she heard him chuckled as she looked back at the road.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky remembers more, but are him and Alex so different after all?

Alex could hardly stay awake by the time they reached the apartment. Bucky seemed different after their visit to the Smithsonian - not better or worse, just different. He was still quiet, but it was a comfortable quiet, not tense as it had been. She wanted to ask him if he'd remembered anything else on the way back, bit quite frankly she just needed to sleep.

As Bucky sat, he winced a little, "Shirt off, Soldier" Alex said, attracting his attention, "Let me check those cuts before I go to bed." She yawned and Bucky was glad that pulling the shirt over his head concealed his involuntary smile.

She sat on the table across from him and was reminded of their position only a few hours ago - he'd changed a lot since then. Or maybe she was just looking at him differently now she knew about his past. Alex uncovered the stitches and found that, for the most past, it had already healed over. She raised her eyebrows in surprise "Wow. You heal fast." Like before, he felt her run her hands over his ribs. "How they feeling?"

Bucky shrugged a little, "Still hurt, but not as much." Alex took her hands away and he put his shirt back on, "I think it's something they did to me."

"What?"

"I remember them injecting me with something, I think that's what's making me heal so fast." he told her, though his expression made it look like he didn't quite believe the words. She watched as he seemed to struggle with his thoughts, before deciding that she had to go to bed before she fell asleep on the table. "Can I ask you something?" Bucky asked as Alex started towards the bedroom.

She rubbed her eyes to wake herself up "Sure."

He stood, a serious look on his face. "Why are you helping me?"

For a while, Alex couldn't do anything but stare at him. She could see that he was eager to hear her answer, but there wasn't really one. "I don't know. At first I thought it was because I felt guilty for knocking you down."

"And now?" He moved a little closer to her, anxious for a reply.

"Now...I feel like I need to," Alex gave him a tight smile as she turned to walk into the bedroom. She turned back quickly - she'd made it sound like some sort of job and the indescribable look in Bucky's eyes didn't go unnoticed as Alex faced him again. "That was wrong," she walked towards Bucky, until she stood in front of him. A curtain of hair had fallen across his face and Alex tucked it behind his ear so they could see each other. "I _want_ to help you remember, Bucky."

"Why?" he asked in a hushed tone.

"Because you deserve to know who you are." They locked eyes and he gave her a genuine, heart-warming smile, "Night, Bucky." She walked back to her room.

"Afternoon, Alex."

Closing the door, Alex quickly changed into an oversized t-shirt and shorts and climbed under the covers. It was the first time Bucky had actually said her name and it sounded different when he said it. _God, I sound like a schoolgirl with a crush._ But she didn't like him like that....did she? It was strange - she'd known him less than a day, but she felt like she knew more about him him than anyone else in her life, like she knew him better than he knew himself.

Which given his current situation was probably right.

**Bucky's POV:**

"Afternoon, Alex."

She shut the door and for a while he just stood there, looking at the door with a big, stupid grin on his face. He wasn't sure why he was smiling but it was the first time he had in a long time and he didn't _want_ to stop. He was happy to have someone like Alex helping him, she wasn't scared of him and she treated him as though he was still the man in snippets of his returning memory.

Except he wasn't anymore...

 

**Alex's POV:**

When Alex woke up, it was dark out and she almost fell out through the door trying to feel her way out of the pitch black room.

The door opened suddenly and Bucky's eyes shot up to meet Alex's as she stumbled out, squinting in the light that came from the lamp next to the couch on which Bucky sat.

"How long was I asleep?" She asked, straightening herself up as she headed into the kitchen.

"Six hours," he replied quickly, almost sounding as if he had been counting the minutes.

"Have you been sat there the whole time?"

He blushed a little, lowering his head, "I tried to fix your TV..." Alex looked up in shock but she had to laugh, "I got frustrated." He said quietly as she tried to stop laughing at the hole in the TV screen where he'd clearly punched it with his metal arm. "Sorry."

Her laughter subsided when she saw his large puppy dog eyes. "Bucky, it's okay. I never watched it much anyway." She poured herself a glass of water and sat down by him. "But thank you for trying."

He gave her a weak smile, before his face lit up, turning to her on the couch, "I remembered something else."

Alex swallowed the water she'd been drinking "Really?" She shifted in her seat to look at him, "What about?"

"I was pretty young and I was at home, at least I think it was my home..." he drifted off for a second before he shook his head to bring himself back. "Steve was there, back when he was a scrawny little punk," he laughed and Alex found herself smiling at the nickname, "We were just doing dumb, kid stuff like playing stupid games." His face darkened before he continued, "Someone knocked on the door and my dad bought them inside - it was Steve's mom."

Alex placed her hand on top of his flesh one as she saw tears in his eyes. "It was the night we found out Steve's dad had died. Steve stayed over that night, we put the couch cushions on the floor to sleep on." Bucky smiled fondly at that particular bit of the memory, "Steve was quiet after his mom told him, I talked to him and he said the odd word, but he never cried. Not until he thought I was asleep," he wrapped his fingers around hers tightly, "I'd never seen Steve cry before, not once, not even with all the times he'd been beat up - he never cried. But he was just sat there on the cushion with his legs pulled up to his chest as his body shook. I didn't know what to do so I just hugged him as he cried. _'I'm never gonna see him again, Buck'_ was all he kept saying, _'What am I gonna do without him?'_ "

Tears had begun to fall from his eyes as he continued to relive the memory, "I didn't know how to help him - he was my best friend and I couldn't stop the pain he was feeling. So I just kept my arm around him and promised him that I'd always be there for him when he needed me because I was with him till the end of the line." Bucky's eyes finally met Alex's as he sniffed, "That was all I got."

She smiled a little, lifted her hand to wipe away the tears that stained his face, "That was a really nice memory. He clearly meant a lot to you," She left her hand there for a little while and he leaned into the touch, taking comfort from her gentle action.

Suddenly realising that this was probably a little too intimate an action, Alex pulled her hand away (contact which Bucky immediately missed) and cleared her throat, "Erm..Hungry?" She stood, keeping her eyes off Bucky as she moved back into the kitchen.

He, however, watched her movements carefully, "I guess so," he said quietly. _Had he done something wrong?_

"I'm afraid the only option you have is omelette because, one - it's one of three things I can actually make, and two - I don't seem to have a lot else in here." Alex mumbled as she looked in the fridge, the contents of which was orange juice, some eggs, cheese, milk and a single lime which she didn't remember buying so was probably not safe to eat, (to be honest, it had probably been in there so long it was actually a lemon to begin with). So, she took out the eggs, milk and cheese and started to cook.

"Anything I can do to help?" Alex jumped a little when she heard Bucky's voice next to her. _Wow, he moved quietly._ She took her eyes from the egg and milk mixture she was whisking to see him stood by her side, shuffling away a little she handed him the cheese "You can grate this."

They continued working quietly, an awkward sir between them. Alex took out a frying pan and then poured half the mixture in. "Are you done with the cheese?" she asked Bucky, who had his back to her.

"Yeah," he turned, holding a bowl full of the grated cheese.

"C'mere," Alex gestured with her head for Bucky to move next to the stove, which he did. "Sprinkle some of that cheese in the pan." He looked at her quizzically. "It's okay, you're not gonna mess it up."

They repeated the process and soon enough they were done and sat at the counter eating. Well, Alex was eating, Bucky appeared to be inhaling his. He was eating so quickly Alex began to wonder when the last time he ate actually was. "Someone was hungry," she said, smirking at his empty plate.

"That was really good," he chuckled. "You're a great cook."

"Well, so long as you like omelette I am. Anything else...not so much." He laughed as she picked up their plates and put them in the sink. When she turned back she almost walked straight into Bucky who had moved beside her. "I'm gonna get you a bell if you keep sneaking up on me like that."

"Sorry," he spoke softly, but made no effort to move, he just stared at her face.

"What?"

"Nothing," Again didn't move, but his brow furrowed slightly, "It's just...I realised I don't know that much about you."

Alex gave him a tight smile, moving away "There's not much to know."

Bucky trailed after her before softly grasping her wrist, "I'd like know. I feel like we only talk about me and my past." He looked at her with wide eyes as if to urge her to talk.

"It's really not that interesting," she gave a nervous chuckle, pulling her arm away and sitting down. But Bucky was't giving up that easy, "Why won't you tell me?" he said with a small confused smile.

"Why do you wanna know?" she snapped defensively. Bucky froze, moving back a little, panicked blue eyes staring at her as he worried that he'd upset the one person that wanted to help him. "Look, I'm sorry Bucky," she sighed a little, taking in his reaction. "I didn't mean to snap at you, but I...I don't talk about my family - to anyone, really." The truth of this shocked her - she _didn't_ talk about them, it was hard.

Looking up at Bucky she saw the hurt in his eyes - she'd caused that. Resting her hand on his, she smiled at him which he returned weakly. She was still so tired. "I'm gonna go back to bed." Alex said, standing. She looked at Bucky "You can have the bed in the spare room if you want. Or I could put the couch cushions on the floor." she smirked before moving him into the spare room, "Come on, we'll have to put the covers on first."

He followed her in and she threw him the pillow cases. "You put the pillows in there, I'll do the sheet."

Bucky started his task but his eyes kept moving to Alex as she climbed onto the mattress, tucking the sheet around the top corners and trying to keep it there while she did the same at the bottom. He smiled to himself at how frustrated she was getting. When she finally got it done, she looked up beaming with pride to Bucky, who just laughed. "Shut up and help me with the duvet." she said, throwing the remaining sheet at him.

Ten minutes later and they'd finally finished the bed, "There you go," Alex yawned slightly as she as she spoke. "Goodnight Bucky, because it actually is night this time." she smiled as she remembered her previous faux pas.

"Night Alex," he smiled back, closing the door behind her.

Bucky didn't know why he was so eager to know about Alex's life or why she wouldn't talk about it, but he wished she'd tell him something to make her more than a helping hand and a kind ear to him. However, as he got under the covers Bucky realised that what he really wanted was just to know more about the woman bringing him back to life.

 

Alex awoke in the middle of the night to the sound of the thunder, rumbling loudly before a loud scream made her sit upright in bed. "Bucky," she said in a hushed whisper, concerned for her new roommate's wellbeing as she jumped out of bed, rushing into the next room.

She turned on the light and saw Bucky's sleeping form writhing around, hands clutching the sheets as he whimpered and gave the occasional scream which seemed to be in time with the storm's rolling thunder. He was having a nightmare and a pretty bad one at that. Alex sat next to him on the bed, shaking him by the shoulders. "Bucky," she said, trying to coax him back to consciousness, but he just seemed more distressed, "Bucky!" she became more forceful.

Just then, a loud clap of thunder sounded outside and Bucky's eyes shot open with a scream. He threw Alex's hands off him and forced her from the bed, pinning her beneath him on the floor. Slowly, Alex watched as the rage in his eyes changed to a look of fear and confusion, "Alex?" he choked out her name, his voice hoarse from screaming. He moved off her quickly, lying down on the bed, his back to Alex as she stood and his knees pulled up to his chest.

"Bucky?" Alex was cautious as she sat next to him again.

"I'm sorry," he whispered, wiping his eyes, but still not looking at her.

"Hey," she rested a hand on his shoulder and he immediately flinched as if expecting a punishment, "It's okay," she gently turned him to face her, making sure he raised his eyes to hers, "It's okay, you're okay." She spoke softly to him as though he were a frightened animal, nodding to reassure him that she was telling the truth.

Bucky took her hand and shifted his position so that his head lay in her lap, hand resting on hers placed on her leg. His sobs calmed, "Bad dream?" Alex asked when she was sure he could answer. She felt him shake his head, "More memories."

"Of Hydra?"

"The war." She felt his legs move close to his chest again in attempt to make his form smaller, "It's the thunder. It reminds me of the sound the shells made. And I just..."

Alex stroked her fingers through his hair as his breathing became more laboured again upon hearing more thunder, "Shh... It's okay, you don't have to explain." He seemed to relax when she spoke.

So, continuing to stroke his hair, she began to tell him what he wanted to know earlier. However hard this would be for her, she knew Bucky would pay attention. "I was ten when my dad got sick," her voice was quiet, but she knew he could hear her, "They diagnosed it and for a while he was okay. But then it got really bad real fast and I had to watch as the man I thought would live forever disappeared." Bucky's hand closed around hers as she continued, "He managed to last 18 months before he couldn't fight it anymore. It was the reason my mom became a nurse."

Tears fell silently from Alex's eyes, a technique she'd perfected a long time ago, never wanting to wake her mother when she cried at night after he died. She sniffed a little, wiping her eyes.

"And me and my mom, we managed to get by - it was hard, but we did it. We were doing fine until my mom worked a late shift at the hospital one night and she missed her train home." Alex took a deep breath as the tears really began to streaming, "She was stabbed by some asshole trying to mug her while she waited for the next one. By the time someone called an ambulance and got her to the hospital it was too late." Bucky gripped her hand tighter as she cried, he didn't move because he could tell she was trying to hide it, but he knew.

"Everything happened pretty quickly after that. I was put into care and that's where I stayed until I got a job and saved enough money to get this place." She sniffed, "That's my story. You can see why I don't rush to tell people." Laughing weakly, she pulled her hand from his to wipe the tears from her face.

Bucky sat up, looking at Alex who smiled half-heartedly, "I'm so sorry." She shrugged, looking away from his sympathetic eyes. "Storm's stopped," she said, wiping her eyes again as she moved to get up before she felt Bucky's hand on her wrist, stopping her.

"Please stay," his eyes were sad, filled with fear that the storm would return.

All Alex could do was nod, she knew that it probably wasn't the best idea but if she was alone she would probably cry herself to sleep, reliving the painful memories she had shared with him. She lay on the other side of the bed, still sniffing a little as her tears subsided and Bucky was reminded of that night all those years ago when Steve had cried on the couch cushions in his house. So, without thinking, Bucky shuffled across the bed and wrapped his arms around. Alex as she broke down in tears, comforting her the only way he remembered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the comments and kudos guys - I'm so happy to know you're enjoying the story :3


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky is disheartened as Alex gives him the cold shoulder, but is there more to her distancing herself? 
> 
> And are the two as safe as they thought?

Alex woke up, momentarily disorientated at being in the spare room instead of her own bed, but she quickly remembered why she was there when she noticed Bucky's metal arm wrapped around her waist. The steady rise and fall of his chest against her back told her he was still sleeping. Last night Alex had been comforted by his closeness, but now she felt like she was getting too close - she'd only just met Bucky. Alex didn't let herself get close to people - after losing her parents, the people closest to people to her, she never wanted to take the chance that it would happen again.

She tried to move out of Bucky's grasp, but she felt his grip tighten, his hand balling around the fabric of her t-shirt. Alex froze, knowing how he had reacted to being woken by her before now. After a moment of her being still, she felt Bucky's grip relax again as he scooted a little closer to her in his sleep. She couldn't help but think the way he reacted to her movement seemed reminiscent of animals protecting their young in the wild. Like he thought someone was going to take her away.

But she couldn't just lie there and wait for him to wake up, she needed to put some distance between them. So, slowly Alex shifted onto her back and then, lifting his arm a little (which was no small feat) she was able to slip out. Unfortunately, she 'slipped out' straight off the bed and landed on the floor with a thud.

"Alex?" she heard a sleepy mumble. Looking up, she saw Bucky's head peering down at her, hair ruffled, rubbing his tired eyes. _So much for not waking him._ "What happened?"

 _I was trying to escape your ninja grasp._ "I must have fell out of bed." He looked unconvinced but shrugged, sitting up. It was only now that Alex saw that Bucky wasn't wearing a shirt. Was he wearing one last night?

I feel like that chest is something I would've remembered. "Are you okay?" Bucky's voice brought Alex's attention back and she realised that she'd basically just been staring at his bare chest.

"Mhm," she made the most non-committal noise she could think of and quickly walked out and back into her own room, shutting the door.

Bucky heard the door shut and he couldn't help but feel disappointed. Alex had opened up to him last night and as he had comforted her he felt more like the man he used to be, but now she seemed to be shutting him out again and he felt dejected. Maybe she didn't trust him... After all he was the 'Winter Soldier' - why would she care about him?

It was all so different last night - she was vulnerable in his embrace - they took comfort from each other's presence. He was still awake when her sobs subsided, as she became quiet and still in his arms - and he could've let go and turned away as she slept. But he didn't want to - he enjoyed the closeness, the warmth of another person. It relaxed him. And he wasn't afraid to say that it was the best sleep he'd had in a really long time.

He needed to know what was wrong. But, as he walked out he saw Alex in the kitchen. "Hey," she spoke and Bucky couldn't help but notice how cheerful she seemed, a little too cheerful. "Want some juice?"

"Yeah, okay..." he eyed her suspiciously as she poured him a glass. "Alex-"

"I'm gonna go out in a bit, y'know, get some groceries - anything you want, or don't want?" she cut him off.

He shook his head, "Can we talk?"

"Can it wait until I come back?" Alex asked quickly, picking up her purse.

"I guess."

"Okay. Well, I'll be back in about an hour."

And with that, she left.

Bucky wanted to follow her, but he knew it was too dangerous. He could be seen and then he'd be putting them both in danger. However he had a feeling that was the reason why Alex had gone out - she clearly needed time away from him and he was okay with that. Well, not exactly 'okay'. But she'd have to come back at some point and her would talk to her then.

An hour later, Alex approached the door to her apartment a bag of groceries in her arms - she would've got more but she couldn't take her mind off Bucky. She knew that she should've just talked to him like he wanted but she honestly she didn't know what to say. She took a deep breath and unlocked the door, "I'm back!" she called out only to turn and find Bucky stood in front of her. "I was serious about getting you a bell." Alex smirked, going into the kitchen and putting the bag down, unpacking it.

"Alex?" Bucky was quiet.

"Yeah?"

"Talk to me."

"About what?" she stalled, she knew exactly what he was talking about.

He shuffled further into the kitchen, "About why you got weird with me this morning."

She looked away from him, "I don't know what you're talking about."

He grabbed her hands in his, forcing her to look in his eyes, "I know you didn't fall out of bed."

"And how would you know that, you were asleep." Alex turned away to open a cupboard, only to have Bucky shut it before she could put anything inside.

"I had my arm wrapped around you. It's not something you could just slip out from underneath."

"Well, I did," she mumbled, turning from him again but she was stopped as Bucky gripped her arm. With his metal hand. But still Alex refused to face him.

"Alex, talk to me." His voice was low, strained. "Did I cross a line or something?" He gently turned her, moving closer to Alex so she had to step back, the countertop pressing into her back. Bucky looked hurt as she moved, his hand dropping to his side. "Please, just talk to me."

Alex hopped up onto the counter, sitting cross-legged. "You didn't cross a line Bucky," she sighed, meeting his smacked puppy stare, "I did."

"What?" His brow creased as he backtracked through the previous night, trying to think of what she could mean.

"I shouldn't have stayed with you last night," her expression matched his, as though what she was saying wasn't coming out quite how she meant it. "I lost two of the people closest to me, so I like to keep a certain amount of distance with people. It makes me feel a little safer."

Bucky couldn't understand, "So, what? You're never gonna let yourself care for anyone again?"

"I barely know you!" Alex bit back.

"That's bullshit and you know it!"

Alex had never heard him swear before. _Maybe I'm rubbing off on him_ \- she would've laughed if she wasn't so frustrated. "You don't know what it's like to suddenly find yourself alone in the world. To realise that everyone you love is gone."

"Don't I?"

Bucky's voice was sharp as he leaned closer to her and Alex faltered. He did know. Of course he knew. He had been in that position - hell, he still was and-

Her thoughts were cut off as Bucky pressed his lips to hers. Though she was initially shocked by this sudden move, Alex soon felt herself relax into the soft kiss - however, as soon as she started to respond, Bucky pulled away. "Sorry." he murmured and though she tried Alex couldn't get out any words for a reply. She couldn't think of any words at all.

"Alex, you're the only person I trust, you helped me when you didn't have to and I care about you a lot." He placed his hands on her cheeks, "But not caring about people and not letting anyone close to you doesn't make you any less vulnerable. It just means that you don't have anyone to help you, make you feel better or even remind you who you are." She laughed a little at the last part, "So you can convince yourself that you don't care about anyone - but that's not gonna stop them caring about you."

Alex smiled a small sad smile as she realised that he was right, "When did you get so wise?"

"What do you mean 'when'? I've always been this wise," he laughed, tapping her cheeks playfully.

As Alex got down from the counter, she noticed that Bucky had gone quiet. "Are you okay?" she asked, placing a hand on his shoulder.

"Yeah," he answered with a distant smile, before turning to her, "It's just, that was my first kiss in about seventy years."

"And?" she cocked an eyebrow.

Bucky sighed, "It was okay, I suppose." He tried to keep a straight face, but when he saw Alex's expression he burst out laughing. She slapped him playfully in his real arm, but he grabbed her hand, "I'm glad it was you though."

Alex blushed, continuing to unpack quietly and while Bucky wanted to say more, he knew she was coming round and understanding that she didn't have to be alone. And neither did he.

"Are you sure that's her?" Strucker asked the agent who was currently showing him the video feed. He had frozen the footage to show a dark haired woman taking groceries from her car.

"Yes Baron," he nodded, bringing up another frame, showing the same woman helping a man into her car, "It's the same woman who took the Asset."

"Do we know where she is keeping him?"

The agent shook his head, "We're working on it." Strucker said nothing, but focused carefully on the images before him. So, the agent spoke up, "Should I inform Hydra? This woman, she might be working for S.H.I.E.L.D."

"You will do no such thing Agent." The Baron spoke sternly, "Hydra, S.H.I.E.L.D., two sides of a coin that is no longer currency." He stood, motioning for the younger man to follow him. "No, Agent, we will find this woman and dispose of her and then we will claim the Asset for ourselves, wipe him and raise him up as the symbol of our new age."

The agent looked to his superior, "And if he refuses to cooperate?"

Strucker shrugged, as though this was a problem that could very simply be resolved, "Then we will make him. Or we will kill them both."


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky realises that there's only one way to keep Alex safe - but can he really do it?

A couple of days had passed since Bucky had kissed Alex and though neither of them mentioned it the atmosphere in the apartment was a little more comfortable than it had been before. Bucky felt Alex relax to the thought of letting him in and in return she helped him to make a timeline of all the things he'd remembered. He remembered almost all of his past now, all except the Winter Soldier parts. But the way he saw it, he'd probably be better off not dwelling on those particular memories.

Alex had gone out to take job applications around - she needed to find a job, she couldn't just stay in the apartment 24/7. And she'd got a reply back pretty quickly, but it was from a company that she didn't remember applying to. _Maybe someone passed on my information._ She didn't think too much about it, instead focusing on the interview. They had asked to see her the next day in a restaurant not far from the apartment and Alex spent the entire evening in her bedroom, throwing various items onto the bed trying to find the perfect outfit. She was in there so long Bucky thought about going to check on her, but the frustrated mumbling coming from inside the bedroom made him think twice. 

He didn't see Alex until she came out the next morning when she walked into the kitchen wearing a simple blue dress with a black jacket and high heels - something he hadn't seen her in before but wouldn't object to seeing her in again. "How do I look?" she sounded nervous and it made Bucky laugh a little.

"You look great," he said, getting up to stand in front of her - in the heels she was almost the same height as him. "It's gonna be fine, don't be nervous."

Alex rolled her eyes, "That's easy for you to say, when was the last time you had an interview?"

He scrunched up his eyes as he tried to think, "Nineteen...thirty--"

"Exactly," she cut him off with a smirk.

 

When Alex walked into the restaurant, it was pretty empty, which she had to admit she was glad of, given that she didn't actually know what the guy interviewing her looked like. All she had was a name.

Alex figured that she wasn't being interview by the elderly couple in the corner (although she took a few minutes before completely ruling them out) so she made her way towards the middle-aged man in a black suit who sat alone. "Mr...Strucker?" she paused, reading the name she'd written on her palm carefully before fully committing to the pronunciation.

The man looked up at her, a smile that bordered on sinister spreading across his face. "Alexis?" she noticed a hint of a German accent as he spoke.

"Alex, please," she smiled, extending a hand to him, which he took, motioning for her to take the seat across from him.

Strucker gestured to the menu, "Would you like anything?"

"No, thank you," Alex replied, "Forgive me if I sound rude, but I don't remember applying to your company."

"Ah, well you see Alex, we're good at finding the people we need," the sinister smile had returned with a vengeance, "Even if they don't know about us."

She nodded, "Oh." It was the only reply she could manage.

He clasped his hands together on the table in front of him, looking at Alex, "So, I'd just like to ask you some general questions."

"Okay..." Alex was wary, but maybe she was overreacting. _Probably too much time with Bucky._

"How much do you know about the Winter Soldier?"

Alex swallowed, trying desperately not to let the shock she was feeling show on her face. "The assassin guy from the news? Not much if I'm honest."

Strucker's smile was sickly sweet, "Well, I do want you to be honest with me Alex." She smiled back halfheartedly in the hope that he would move on. "Do you live alone?"

She looked at him, brow creased, "Yes, but I don't see what that has--"

"So you aren't sharing your apartment with anyone? Not even the man you hit with your car, Alex?"

She scoffed in a way that she hoped was convincing, "I don't know what you're talking about, I never hit anyone with my car And I don't run some kind of homeless shelter, I'm not in the business of letting strangers into my home." Alex saw his lips tighten at this, "You know Mr Strucker, I don't think I really want to work for your company - whatever it is that they do."

Alex stood, walking out of the restaurant quickly before the man could say anything in response. She practically ran back to her apartment, opening the door with shaky hands and slamming it shut behind her, leaning against it for support as her chest heaved.

"Alex?" She saw Bucky walk out of his room, a look of concern on his face as he noticed what state she was in, "What happened? Are you okay?"

She looked at him with wide, panicked eyes, which did nothing to calm him. But instead of saying something, Alex walked up to him, wrapping her arms around him and hugging him tightly, as he slowly hugged back, "Hey... what's wrong?"

Alex pulled away a little, "I think someone knows you're here."

Bucky felt his mouth go slack as what she said sank in. "H-how? How do you know?"

"The guy who interviewed me, it wasn't a real interview. He asked me what I knew about the Winter Soldier. He asked whether I was living with the man who I hit with my car."

Bucky sat down, pinching the bridge of his nose, "What did you say?"

"I said I didn't know what he was talking about, I never hit anyone and I live alone."

"What was his name?"

"Strucker," Alex sat beside him, "Do you know him?"

Bucky looked up at her and shook his head "So, what do we do now?" she asked, taking his hand, afraid of what the answer might be.

He clasped her small hand in both his large ones, looking down because he couldn't look at her. "'We' don't do anything." Raising his eyes he saw the confused hurt in the eyes staring back at him, "I have to go, Alex."

"What?" She tried desperately to blink away the tears that threatened her eyes.

Bucky's grasp on her hand remained tight, "While I'm here, you're not safe." He found himself swallowing hard to try and keep his voice level. "And I so want you to be safe."

Alex tore her hand from him and stood, placing the hand against her mouth as the tears that had threatened her before now began to fill her eyes. "But, I care about you Bucky. And you told me," she felt herself getting frustrated at how hypocritical he was being, "You told me that caring about people wouldn't make me vulnerable."

He moved closer to her, smiling sadly, "And it won't, but maybe you shouldn't care about assassins."

She sighed, "You're not an assassin Bucky. You're a good guy. If you weren't you wouldn't even consider leaving to try and protect me."

They both stood silently, looking at one another with tear-filled eyes and Alex couldn't help but let out a small laugh, "This is ridiculous, I've only known you for like a week." She wiped her eyes, taking a deep breath. "I'm gonna go change out of this stuff."

Bucky, was discreetly wiping his own eyes, nodded, "Yeah, I need to go and pack my stuff."

Each retired to their room and both, unbeknownst to the other, sat down for a good ten minutes trying to process what had to happen, tears falling from their eyes, before they even attempted to do what they went in to do.

When Bucky finished packing a bag that he had found in the wardrobe, he walked out to find Alex sat at the counter nursing a cup of coffee. She looked up immediately when she heard him come out, plastering a forced smile on her face. He noticed that her eyes were red, but then again his probably were as well.

He stood with the bag slung over his shoulder, poised to leave, "Do you know where you're gonna go?" Alex asked.

Bucky shrugged, "I'll find somewhere."

"So this is it then?"

"I guess so," He paused, taking a last look at Alex and smiling before heading to the door.

Well, Alex wasn't about to let him leave like that. "Bucky!" She called and drawing his attention, she placed her hands on his cheeks and and pulling him into a deep kiss. Bucky wrapped his arms around her as he responded to the kiss, their mouths moving together, saying everything that they refused to.

After a little while, Alex pulled back, leaning her forehead against Bucky's, "Look both ways before crossing the road, I wouldn't want anyone else to hit you with their car."

He chuckled, hugging her tightly, "I just want you to know that this has been _the best_ week." he whispered before pulling away and smiling once more before opening the door and walking down the hallway, and suddenly he was gone. 

And Alex was alone again.

 

She shut the door, leaving her hand resting on the wood for a moment before moving to sit on the couch. Picking up a magazine, Alex started to flick through when she heard a knock at the door. Bucky. He must have forgotten something.

Alex opened the door, but it wasn't Bucky. There were two large men in black combat gear who pushed their way into the apartment, shoving Alex backwards in the process, "Wo ist der Vermögenswert?"

"What?!" _Were they speaking German?_

The leader looked to his accomplice, "Ah, amerikanische sie ist."

Alex continued to watch them, confused as they laughed, "Where is the Asset?" He questioned again, this time in English.

However, hearing the question in English didn't make her any less confused. "The Asset? What the hell is the Asset?!" She received a blow to the face from a gun handle - _which one of them was holding a gun?_ \- that knocked her to the floor.

"We know it was here! Where is it?!" the leader demanded as his partner poised his weapon ready to hit her again.

"I don't know what the Asset is and hitting me isn't gonna get you anywhere!" she shouted, clutching her cheek which radiated pain.

The man seemed to ponder this. "No, you're right." he called to his friend with a name she didn't catch, and before she knew what was happening, Alex was being dragged towards her sink, held down by one of the men as the other filled the bowl with water. "Now, I will ask you again - where is the Asset?" he paused between each word, clearly hoping that this would get him an answer.

"I don't know what you're talking about."

He paused before nodding to his colleague who, taking a rough grasp of Alex's hair, shoved her head into the full sink holding her beneath the water.

She tried to pull her head out, but the grip on her head was too strong and all Alex could do was struggle as the water went into her nose and mouth. He yanked her head out of the water and Alex coughed and spluttered as she was allowed to breath again, panting loudly.

The leader came closer to her, "Where is the Asset, Alex?"

"I don't know what the Asset is," she breathed out before having her head plunged once again into the sink.

Even though she knew what was coming, she had no way to prepare herself as water filled her mouth. Alex couldn't hear anything while under the water, but she felt something thud against the counter and then the grip on her hair loosened, allowing her to raise her head again. She lashed out at the man next to her, wet hair plastered to her eyes, but he grabbed her hands, "Alex!"

She froze, pushing her hair away so she could see, "Bucky?" she panted, water dripping from her lips. Looking around, Alex saw that the two men who had tortured her now lay completely motionless, crumpled on the floor. Bucky moved her to sit on the couch, disappearing and then reappearing with a towel for her.

"Thanks" she muttered, breathing slowly returning to normal.

 

"So these guys forced their way in? Bucky asked as Alex dried her hair.

She shook her head, "I opened the door - I thought it was you - and when I tried to close it, they shoved past me." Putting the towel down, she looked at Bucky, "They kept asking me about something called 'the Asset'," His face dropped, "What?"

"That's what Hydra called me," he spoke quietly, looking at anything but Alex. "Is that why they were..." he pointed in the direction of the sink and she nodded. "So much for me thinking you were safer if I left."

He studied her face before taking her chin between his fingers, "What happened to your cheek?"

"Oh that, one of them hit me in the face with his gun," Alex replied as Bucky ran his thumb gently across her skin.

"Where's the stuff you used to patch me up?" He let go of her face, standing.

Alex pointed to the room next to the kitchen, "In the bathroom, under the sink." He walked away, returning a few minutes later, first aid box in his hand. "When did it become okay for men to hit women? I mean, I'm all for equal rights but that's something you guys can keep - ow!" Her chatter was cut off as Bucky rubbed some alcohol on her cheek, cleaning the wound before putting some antiseptic cream on it, causing Alex to wince.

She looked at Bucky who concentrated hard on her wound, "Why did you come back?"

"I don't know," he shrugged, putting everything back in the box and returning it to the bathroom. 

"Don't get me wrong, I'm glad you did." She smiled. "But what are we gonna do with them?" She gestured to the bodies on her kitchen floor.

He stared at them, trying to formulate a plan, "There's a dumpster behind your building, right?"

"Yeah..." She wasn't sure where he was going with this, "You're not suggesting that we just carry two dead bodies down the stairs."

"No, of course not." Bucky replied incredulously. "Got any trash bags?"

 

Half an hour later and they had made two trips down to the dumpster, the bodies - that had to be covered with a trash bag either end - had to be carried by them both in order to not seem as suspicious. Luckily, the way they appeared in the bags made it look like they were just carrying an old carpet or something.

They only passed one person, an elderly woman who lived on the first floor, but she said nothing. Thankfully, the building Alex lived in wasn't the kind where everyone stopped to talk to each other.

"Come with me," Bucky said, as they walked back up to the apartment.

"What?"

"I thought you were gonna be safer if I left, but I was wrong." he kept his voice low. "And I won't leave you, but we can't stay here. Whoever is after me, they know you're here and they're clearly not that bothered about keeping you alive."

Alex stared at him, "I can't just leave."

"Why not?"

"Because you're going on the run - you don't know where, you don't know how long for--"

Bucky grabbed her shoulders. "We'll figure it out, but I need to know you're safe and tonight showed me that the only way I'm gonna know that for sure is of you're with me."

She sighed, "How do you know that you're gonna be able to keep me safe?"

"I don't, but you need to let me try." He placed his fingers under her chin, tilting her head and forcing her to look at him, "You're the only person I have, Alex. I trust you. Please trust me."

Looking in his large, blue eyes, all she could she was concern. She couldn't just leave with him. Then again, without him she would've probably been drowned in her kitchen sink tonight. Although that was kinda _because_ of him--

Bucky smiled down at her, "Alex, don't over-think this." He took her face in his hands. "What do you _want_?"

Alex stood on her tiptoes and placed a soft, sweet kiss on his lips. "Let's go."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two chapters in two days? Ooooh, get me.
> 
> I apologise in advance because this probably means that I won't be able to think of anything for about a fortnight. :/


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> On the run, Bucky and Alex get closer, but is there anywhere that they'll be safe?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> .....SMUT HAS ARRIVED.  
>  Although, I will say, as I went through writing that part, I bottled it before the end. So, yeah...that's why it just sort of stops. :/
> 
> On the bright side, this didn't take as long to write as I thought

"Alex, wake up!"

She could feel Bucky shaking her, "Wake up, you're having a nightmare!"

Alex's eyes shot open as she sat bolt upright in bed, taking in the unfamiliar surroundings. They'd found a cheap motel nearby to stay in for tonight - they needed a plan, but it was clear that the apartment wasn't safe to stay in for another night. And so far it had been perhaps one of the worst night's sleep she'd ever had. It wasn't because of the bed, or the motel, Bucky or even the stress of running away - it was because when Alex closed her eyes, all she saw were the lifeless bodies that had lay on her kitchen floor and she kept reliving the moment when they had pushed her head under water.

She felt Bucky's hand rub her back comfortingly as her labored breathing calmed. "What were you dreaming about?" he asked quietly.

"It...It felt like I couldn't breathe..." Alex panted, "And I could just see those guys...Lying on the floor."

He wrapped an arm around her, "You're okay now. And as for those guys... Don't think about it Alex."

"That's easy for you to say." She mumbled, immediately regretting it when Bucky pulled away. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean that."

He stood, picking up a hoodie and pulling it on. _How do I keep missing the fact that he's topless?_ "Yeah, you did." he started towards the door. _Didn't he feel bad enough?_ Bucky knew what he was, but he didn't like Alex thinking of him as that.

"Bucky, you can't leave."

"I just need some air." he reached the door before he turned back to her, frustrated, "I thought I had all the pieces, Alex! But they don't fit like they used to. I keep trying to be a good guy, but I can't control the impulses - and honestly, I'd kill those guys a hundred times if it stops you getting hurt!"

Bucky went for the door again, but this time Alex managed to force her way between the two. "I didn't mean it to come out the way it did. I wasn't talking about the Winter Soldier stuff."

"Really?" Bucky pursed his lips, unconvinced.

She nodded, "Really. Bucky, you went to war! I can't imagine some of the things you saw."

His eyes were still hard, "The kind of stuff that you think turned me into this monster."

"Did you choose this, Bucky?!"

"You know I didn't!"

"Then you're not a monster! You're a guy who had this life forced on him when he was vulnerable." Though she saw his eyes soften a little, but his lips remained tight. "You're never gonna be able to go back to being Sergeant Barnes, but you're not the Winter Soldier either. You're Bucky. Who you were doesn't matter, it's who you want to be. No one's gonna control you, no one's pointing you in the right direction. It's all you now, you get to decide who you are and what kind of man you're gonna be." His face didn't change as she spoke, he just continued staring at her silently. So, after a while, Alex stepped out of the way of the door and walked towards the bed again, expecting to hear Bucky leave.

But, she felt metal fingers wrap around her wrist, yanking her back towards him - kissing her forcefully before she could even register what happened. After a while, Bucky pulled away, leaving them both breathless, "I've been waiting to kiss you like that for a while."

"Been building up the courage?"

"No, waiting for you to shut up."

Alex smirked, raising her eyebrows, "Really? Hmm..." she played dumb, running a finger along his exposed collarbone, pleased with herself when she heard a sharp intake of breath.

"Yeah," his voice was husky as Alex's fingers continued to explore. Reaching the zip, she hooked her finger over it, before slowly pulling it down, teasing Bucky as her nail etched down his chest illiciting a groan from deep in his throat. "Alex..."

She didn't look up, but continued to tease him, "What?"

He said nothing as the zip reached the bottom, her finger resting on the waistband of Bucky's pants causing his breathing to become more ragged.

When Alex was satisfied that she had teased him enough, she took her finger back, looking up at Bucky - there was an indescribable look in his eyes. He grabbed the top of her arms and turned her, pushing her back against the wall and for a second Alex thought she might have crossed a line or pissed him off.

And as Bucky leaned closer down to Alex, she braced herself - but instead of harsh words he captured her mouth in a passionate kiss. His hands moved to hers, pinning them hard against the wall either side of her head as he deepened the kiss, holding her there by pressing his body against her.

However, they were interrupted by a thudding pulling apart, "If y'all don't stop bangin' on the wall imma come in there and kick your ass!" came a muffled voice from next door.

Alex pulled Bucky back into the kiss and he put his hands under her thighs, lifting her so she could wrap her legs around his waist. He carried her to the bed and put her down by the edge. Not breaking the kiss, Alex pushed down the track pants he was wearing, leaving him in only his briefs. Bucky lent forward and Alex took him by surprise, pushing him down onto the bed.

She crawled over him, straddling his waist, and she felt Bucky's fingers at her thighs, trying to catch the bottom of the oversized t-shirt she had been sleeping in. She sat back on her heels, across his legs, and let him pull the shirt off, leaving her exposed except for her underwear.

Bucky looked at her like he didn't know what to do and the thought came to Alex that he might be a virgin. She wondered if she was the first woman that he'd ever had straddling him, waiting for him to make some move.

He suddenly sat forward, his lips crashing against hers, wrapping his hands around her ribcage with a groan as Alex bit his bottom lip. It sent a jolt through Bucky and he pulled her flush against him without even thinking about it. His mouth found her neck, nipping and sucking at it and Alex could feel his hungry hands snaking over her body. She felt her own breathing change pace as he started exploring her with his tongue.

_Maybe he's not as clueless as I thought._

Bucky pulled away, resting his forehead against hers, "I haven't done this for a while."

"It's okay, it'll come back to you."

Alex tried to move in again, but he pulled away, "Wait, Alex stop."

"What's wrong?" she asked, a little breathless.

"When I said I haven't done this in a while--"

"Bucky, are you a virgin?" Alex cut him off, thinking it might be hard for him to admit, though she silently prayed it wasn't that.

He shook his head and Alex sighed internally, relieved, "No. It's just, I've only been with one girl, it wasn't like this back then. The night before we shipped out of England - I didn't know if I was gonna come back." He lowered his eyes, tracing circles on her thigh with his thumb. "So I guess what I'm saying is don't get too excited. I don't wanna let you down."

Alex sat back on her heels, taking his face in her hand. "Bucky, it's okay if you're not ready. We don't have to do this now."

"No, I want this. I want you." His eyes met hers and she smiled.

"You've got me." She pulled his lips to hers once more and she felt him relax into the kiss. 

Alex pulled away from him, crawling backward down the bed, she tugged at his underwear and he lifted slightly so that she could pull it down. Then she shucked her own and it was Bucky's turn to stir. He got up and carefully grabbed her by the shoulders. He kissed her again, pushing her down toward the mattress.

Bucky seemed a little lost now lifting his head up, his burst of confidence shrinking. Noticing this, Alex pulled him back into the kiss, stroking a hand down his chest and stomach until she wrapped her hand around his length, causing him to groan loudly into her mouth. He needed her, now.

Spreading her thighs apart, Bucky positioned himself as best he could. He hesitated for a moment before pushing into Alex, and she gasped, her hands digging into his shoulders.

 

For a man who had only had sex once about seventy years ago, Alex had to admit - he was pretty good. A bit clumsy at first, but once he got into a rhythm...wow. He hadn't lasted long, which she expected, but after all the build-up, neither had she.

They lay there for a little while afterward, Alex with her head on Bucky's chest, arm wrapped around him as he stroked metal fingers across her back; the contrast of his warm skin and the cold metal took a moment to get used to.

"Alex?"

"Hmm?" She murmured sleepily.

"I'm sorry I put you in danger." His voice was small.

Alex lifted her head, resting her chin on his chest. "Don't be," she said, forcing his unconvinced eyes to look at her. "This wasn't you. I found out people were looking for you and I still helped, because you needed help. I'd do it again."

Bucky frowned, "But because of me you won't be able to go back."

"To what?" She chuckled, "My empty apartment? No family? Unemployment? Honestly Bucky, there wasn't much to go back to."

"Still sounds better than being hunted down." Alex raised her eyebrows and Bucky realised that coming up with reasons for her to leave probably wasn't the best thing to do. But, before he could think anymore about it, he was distracted by Alex's fingers exploring the joint where his metal arm joined his chest.

"Does it hurt?" She asked, brow furrowed touching the scarred skin.

Bucky shook his head, "No. It's pretty weird - everything feels normal but at the same time it all feels different." He studied her carefully, "I can understand if it freaks you out."

"No, I think it's pretty cool - you're like Terminator." Alex laughed at his confused expression - of course he didn't know what that was. "It's a movie." She said by way of explanation, "Don't worry about it."

She lay her head back down on Bucky's chest as he tightened his arms around her. The steady rise and fall of Bucky's chest lulled her back to sleep, an uninterrupted sleep this time.

 

Alex woke up alone in bed and for a moment she thought that perhaps Bucky had left without her, but she breathed a sigh of relief as the bathroom door opened to reveal him with a towel around his waist and another in his hand, drying off his hair. "Good morning," he smiled, sitting on the edge of the bed. "There's still hot water, so I suggest you take advantage of it while you can."

She let the hot water cascade over her, relaxing her tense body. But suddenly she was back in the kitchen, head forced under the water. Alex chest heaved as it once again felt as though she couldn't breathe, sitting down in the shower and pulling her knees to her chest. The water that had previously warmed now chilled her to the bone. Alex sat shivering until she felt Bucky wrap a towel around her body - she never even heard him come in. He turned off the water and sat just outside of the shower, pulling her into his arms.

"I'm sorry." Her voice was small and shaky.

"Shh...It's okay." He rubbed the towel over her arms to warm her. Bucky knew what this was about and he figured she wouldn't want to talk about it again. He wanted to say more, but what could he say - that he promised that no one would hurt her again? That he'd keep her safe? - he'd promised those things before, but he couldn't keep them. Neither of them knew how this was gonna go.

So, Bucky just held Alex until her breathing calmed and she could get changed. He left her to it, they still needed to decide where they were going to go next. When Alex finally came out of the bathroom, Bucky had a map laid out on the bed, studying it carefully. "There's an old army base not far from here, we should be able to stay there tonight. We can get supplies before we go and it'll take us about three hours to get there on foot." He said looking up as Alex walked in.

"We're walking?" She asked, drying off her hair.

"For now. They knew that you hit me with your car, so chances are they probably know what it looks like. And the first rule of going on the run is don't run - walk."

Alex nodded, it made sense. "But I don't know how long we'll be able to stay there, it all depends on how close these people are." Bucky continued, as she tied up her hair.

 

They managed to get the basics of what they needed, some food, bottles of water and a small first aid kit - just in case. Alex picked up a hat for Bucky to try to make him look a little less like him, because there wasn't much she could do to disguise the metal arm.

After they'd paid, they left quickly, Alex following Bucky's lead because she had no idea how to get where they were going - to be honest she was surprised _he_ did. They walked through back streets until they reached a forest where they continued until Bucky stopped abruptly, causing Alex (who wasn't really paying attention) to walk into his back. "Sorry." She mumbled.

He held up a hand to get her to be quiet. She heard a twig snap and Bucky quickly pulled her down into the bushes. They watched through the leaves, waiting for someone to show themselves, but all they saw was a hare running through. Bucky sighed and Alex turned to him with a mock gasp, "Do you think it's with Hydra?" She smirked and he shoved her playfully before helping her up.

"This way." He walked off, Alex following close behind.

They reached the gates, well it was more of a gate-fence hybrid, clearly in an effort to somehow disguise the entrance. Bucky pulled open the gate enough for them to squeeze through, however what they were faced with was the rubble of what used to be the army base. "What happened?" Alex asked aloud.

"I don't know. But whatever it was didn't happen that long ago." They could still see a small amount of smoke from deep within what seemed to have been an explosion of some sort.

There was a small shed-like building at the edge of the base, which apart from some wood burnt on the side, was untouched by the explosion. Bucky moved towards it, pulling open the door with his metal arm. "What is it?" Alex asked as his face lit up upon seeing its contents.

He reached in and pulled out two guns, "Just what we need," he said, throwing the larger gun's strap over his head and giving her the smaller handgun, which she hesitantly accepted. Alex tucked the gun into the back of her jeans - she didn't know if that was the right thing to do, but she'd seen people do it in movies and that's all she really had to go on right now.

Bucky picked up all the cartridges and packs of bullets that he could find and shoved them into their bags. "We can't stay here, so we'll have to keep going." He pulled out the map, looking at the area surrounding the base. "By the looks of it there's an army supply warehouse about a mile or two from here. Given that this place was abandoned, that should be empty. And hopefully intact."

"Okay," Alex nodded, "So we go there."

"We should be okay there for a couple of days, its not on any main roads, so no one's gonna stumble across it and there probably won't be any cameras that they could tap into." He folded up the map, stuffing it back in his bag.

The two of them headed towards the forest again, Alex took Bucky's hand in hers and he took a surreptitious glance at her as they walked. He wanted to protect her, he knew that they wouldn't be able to run forever. He needed to find out who these people were and stop them. It was the only way that they'd be safe.

 

Strucker stood in the doorway of the apartment, "Sir, it's empty." The agent who was leading his team confirmed. They'd left.

The Baron smiled to himself. "They're trying to run from us, agent."

"What now, sir?"

"Now, we find them." He said simply. They had eyes everywhere so it was only a matter of time until they'd be found.

_Run all you want, Soldier. The chase will only make your capture more rewarding and her death more brutal..._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hoped you liked it :3 
> 
> *runs and hides in corner*


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so this one's a little short, but it's really just a segway for the next chapter which I've already started because that's where the action starts :B

"Sir, we've got a positive ID on them."

Strucker walked to the agent who'd called to him. "Where?"

"We managed to hack a camera that puts them at the army camp Hydra took out last week." He brought up the time frame, "That was two days ago."

"And now?" The Baron asked, eager to claim his prize.

The agent lowered his eyes, "We don't know. They're not at the camp and the direction they headed in was further into the forest. We can't find any cameras."

"Well, try harder." Strucker bit back, leaving the agent to frantically search for more footage. "Bring up a map, I want to see everything in a three mile radius of that camp."

A bright map lit up the screen in front of him showing the area. The agent was right, there only seemed to be woodland surrounding the camp, except for... "I know where they've gone." Strucker smiled, his eyes had fallen on a small rectangle about two miles from the camp, deep in the woods and far enough from any roads that it couldn't possibly be seen. They had to be there.

 

"You're never gonna learn by sitting down. You can't do that in a fight." Bucky laughed, attempting to pull Alex to her feet.

However, she had different ideas, "When was the last time you had a fight that lasted longer than two hours?" She panted.

Bucky had convinced Alex that she needed to learn how to fight, so he'd taken to teaching her. And though she initially thought it was a good idea, what she hadn't realised was that Bucky would turn into some kind of drill sergeant. "Get up, Soldier!" he shouted, still laughing a little as Alex flopped back onto the cold floor, groaning.

"Sit down, soldier," she grumbled.

He sat beside where she lay sprawled on the floor. "Come on, you're doing really well."

"Then let me have a break!" She tried to break him with a whiny voice, but he didn't soften, so she tried something else. "Please?" Alex put on the biggest puppy-dog eyes she could manage, sticking out her bottom lip.

She saw Bucky's eyes soften a little as he smirked at her, "Okay, five minutes." he said, lying down next to her.

They stared up at the corrugated steel ceiling of the warehouse that they'd been staying in for the last two days. It was pretty big and empty apart from the odd box and table. They'd been sleeping on the floor, huddled together because there was no kind of heating in there and given the lack of ventilation they couldn't exactly light a fire, not that Alex minded.

Bucky took her hand, sitting up. "Come on, get up."

She groaned, "We've been doing this almost non-stop for two days!"

"I just want to make sure you're safe if I'm ever not around." He leaned over her, placing a soft kiss on her forehead.

"And why wouldn't you be around, Mr Barnes?" He lowered his eyes, and Alex sat up to face him, taking his chin in her fingers and forcing his eyes up. "Hey. You're not going anywhere, and you've taught me so much already. Besides, if I'm ever in doubt, I always know how to kick a guy in the balls." Bucky laughed, "Laugh all you want Bucko, but Hydra or not, it works every time."

He smiled at her before pulling off one of her boots. "What are you doing?"

"You'll see." He said, smirking at the floor. He pulled out the insole and then took out his flip knife. Alex watched carefully as he appeared to be cutting at the inside, pulling out excess leather.

"Why are you cutting a hole in my boot?"

Bucky held up the closed knife, "So I can put this in there in case you ever need it." He placed it inside the boot before returning the insole. He then took Alex's foot gently in his hands and placed the boot back on, taking the laces in his hands and tying them. She smiled at the intense concentration on his face as he tied a bow - he looked so proud when he finished it that she had to laugh.

"We need to talk."

"Uh-oh. Are you breaking up with me?" Alex teased him with a smirk.

"No." His face was serious, "It's just, we can't run forever. And the only way to stop these guys is to go after them."

Alex laughed in disbelief, "Are you crazy?!" Bucky said nothing, his face falling at her reaction. "They tried to kill me, Bucky!" They want to wipe your memory again!"

"Alex, the longer we keep running, the less places there are gonna be to hide!" He grasped her arms, pulling her close. "I just want you to stay safe!"

But, she stepped back out of his grasp, "What about you, Bucky? We don't know how many people there are in this, how high it goes - hell, we don't even know what they really want!"

"We have to do something!"

"Like what?!" Alex took a deep breath, trying to calm down. "We're only two people. We couldn't do this on our own even if we wanted to, it's way too dangerous."

Bucky looked at her incredulously, "And running isn't?"

"Running is what's keeping us alive!" Alex stepped closer to Bucky, taking his hand. "And as much as you want me safe, I want you safe too."

He ran his thumb rhythmically across her knuckles, breathing heavily from their heated exchange, "I need some air." He sighed, walking away. 

Alex didn't turn until she heard the door slam shut. For a moment she just stood in the cold silence. She didn't want to be so harsh with Bucky, but he couldn't seriously think that was a good idea - it would be like handing himself back to the people who had made his life a misery. And any closer to them than they were now would compromise even the small amount of safety they currently had.

Hearing something thud outside, Alex moved towards the door, opening it slowly and cautiously before stepping into the chilled evening air. "Bucky?" She called, hushed slightly - there was no telling what kind of mood he'd be in. Stepping a little further out, movement caught Alex's eye. She turned to see two men carrying another unconscious man and she was about to move away when the light hit onto the man they were moving.

"Bucky!" she called out, hoping to rouse him.

The men looked to her and shouted something in German before everything went black.

 

Pain erupted through Alex's head as she squinted in the artificial light, blinking in her new surroundings. She was lying on a cold stone floor in a small cell-like room.

_Where the hell am I?_

Moving, she felt the ache deep in her muscles - _probably from Bucky's training_ , she thought.

Wait - Bucky.

Alex sat bolt upright ignoring the renewed pain in her head. These guys had Bucky - where were they taking him? She felt panic begin to rise up from inside her. She was alone again. Completely alone and who knew if she'd ever see Bucky again.

Pulling herself up off the floor, Alex shifted onto the small cot in the corner, pulling her knees to her chest and wrapping her arms around them.

 

"Wake up, Soldier." Bucky felt a sharp pain as a hand smacked him back into consciousness. Before him stood a middle-aged man in all black - he wasn't wearing any Hydra insignia and Bucky didn't recognise him, but he wasn't about to let him just keep him here - he needed to get back to Alex.

He went to throw a punch with his metal fist only to find that he was cuffed to the wall with a heavy duty chain. "Now, now, Mr Barnes." His captor spoke with a German accent. "That is hardly the way to greet company." A man hit Bucky in the stomach, forcing him to his knees. "I am Baron Wolfgang von Strucker."

Bucky's eyes remained on the floor, his lips tight as this 'Strucker' crouched before him. "You and your little friend tried to run from us, Barnes. This was not a smart move." He said in a low, dangerous voice. "Now, we will have to kill her."

Alex. She was here. "Where is she?!" Bucky spat his words like venom.

"Don't worry about her. We'll get rid of her soon. Or should I say, you will." Strucker said as he stood, ready to leave.

Bucky jumped up, trying to grab at him but the chain prevented his movement, "I won't hurt her! You can't make me!" He yelled in anger.

"Oh, but you see Mr Barnes, you won't even know you're doing it." He spoke cooly before he and his guard left, leaving Bucky alone to cry out in frustration as he tried desperately to pull the chain from the wall.

 

Alex paced the length of her room. She needed to figure a plan to get out and find Bucky. Pausing by the door, she heard the voices of two guards outside the cell, "So, what's the plan with her?"

By 'her', Alex assumed that she was the subject of this conversation. She leant her head against the door in an effort to hear them better.

"Rumour has it, she's not gonna be here long." Were they taking her someone else? Or even letting her go?

The other guy said something she didn't catch, but whatever he'd said this guy agreed with. "Yeah, they're wiping him tomorrow and then they're gonna make _him_ kill her."

_Bucky's here?_

Suddenly Alex hoped 'her' was someone else.

"It's like a goddamn tragic romance." They both laughed, but she didn't think it was so funny. She needed to come up with a plan to get them out and she needed to do it tonight.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> WE'RE BREAKING FREE.

Alex had been awake the whole night trying to come up with a plan, or what she assumed was all night there was no real way of telling. And she still had practically nothing.

How the hell was she gonna break them out of here on her own?! Bucky always knew what to do... Wait - Bucky.

_'Why are you cutting a hole in my boot?'_

_'So I can put this in there in case you ever need it.'_

He gave her his knife.

Alex took off her boot and, lifting out the insole, found that Bucky's knife was still there inside. Okay, so she had a weapon.

Now she just needed some kind of distraction, but all she had was one bullet from her gun that she'd put in her pocket back when they first got the guns. But without the gun itself that was pretty much useless.

Alex turned the bullet over in her hand, feeling the cool metal against her palm reminded her of him. She needed to get him out before they could hurt him again. But how? She tried to think of anything that would get those guards inside.

_...a fire.  That's it, a fire._

They'd have to come in to put it out or the whole place would burn - and she'd get them when they did.

Alex looked around her. She could light the bedding they had put on the cot in here, but what with?

Balling her fist as she thought, Alex felt the bullet - "Gunpowder," she said aloud to the empty room.

 

Bucky had given up struggling against his chain, instead trying to think of all the great time he'd had with Alex. He figured that if the thoughts of her were strong enough he'd remember her even if they wiped him again. He knew it was stupid, but Alex was all he had and he needed to remember her. Bucky's heart ached at the thought that he might never see her again. She made him feel more human. He felt things with Alex that he'd never felt before, and now they were just gonna turn him back into that heartless machine.

Outside his cell, Bucky heard footsteps. _They're here already?_

As he heard the banging of someone opening the door, he scrunched up his eyes, desperately clawing at the memories he had of Alex - the colour of her eyes, the way she smiled at him, the smell of her hair, (bang...bang...) how her hand felt in his, the way her arms felt around him, when her head rested on his chest as she slept, the way her lips felt on his, how soft her skin was, (bang...bang...) when she cleaned up his wounds when they first met, how he never had nightmares when she was there, how alive she made him feel, how--

"Bucky?"

His thoughts were interrupted by a man's voice. A familiar voice. He opened his eyes tentatively.

"Steve?"

 

Alex had finally managed to open the bullet to get the powder out, and after piling the bedding in the centre of the room, she poured the powder on the edge at the bottom making sure it stayed in a pile. Then it was time to put her plan into action.

Pulling the small cot closer to where she had put the powder she struck the knife against the metal leg a number of times until it sparked, lighting the powder which in turn lit the bedding. As the flames spread, Alex stood back taking a deep preparatory breath before she shouted for help. "Fire! Somebody help, there's a fire in here!"

She heard a scuffle outside and by now the room was beginning to fill with smoke, there was the sound of a key turning in the lock and Alex gripped the knife tightly in her hand. The door swung open and she heard gasps as two people hurried in. One of them set to work to try and put out the fire, stamping on it (though it did little to extinguish the flames) and Alex grabbed the other, putting her hand over their mouth as she plunged the knife in their back and set them down on the cold floor gently, making sure they were still before she pulled the knife out.

By now, the other guard - a woman, she could see now - had turned to see her colleague's body on the floor. She scrambled for her gun, but Alex was too fast, sticking the knife into the woman's thigh before bashing her head against the wall and knocking her unconscious.

Half way there.

As the flames began to spread, Alex quickly pulled off the woman's hat and jacket (which by some miracle actually fit) putting them on and picking up the discarded gun before making her way into the corridor, closing the cell door behind her. The trousers she was wearing were black, like the guards', so she figured that now she had the jacket and hat, she probably looked the part.

Nevertheless, she moved quickly through the empty hallways - _where is everyone?_

She could hear hurried footsteps and gunfire, but as far as she could see none of it was happening around her. However the footsteps seemed to be getting closer and as she rounded the corner she was faced with a pretty large group of people; a man with a shield, a guy who seemed to be wearing some kind of metallic backpack and a bunch of guys in combat gear.

But as they drew to a halt, she saw someone else make their way through the group, "Bucky?" she half-whispered as a smile spread across her face upon seeing the metal limb push men out the way. He didn't say anything but instead just pulled her into his arms, burying his face in her hair as she squeezed him tightly.

After a moment they stepped apart and all weapons were pointed at Alex. But though she was confused at first, it suddenly hit her that she was still wearing the Hydra uniform. "Whoa, hey." She put up her hands as a sign of good will. "I'm with him," she pointed to Bucky, "I just borrowed the uniform when I broke out."

"Broke out?" The man with the shield spoke, "How?"

Alex could smell burning and turning around, she could see that the smoke had begun to filter through the hallways, "I lit a fire," she chuckled, coughing a little. "Then I took down the guards with the knife you gave me." Alex smiled at Bucky, who wore a look of pride on his face.

"Okay. Well, now that's sorted I think we should probably get out of here." The guy with the backpack said, looking at--

"Wait. You're Captain America." Alex said, finally realising who the guy with the shield actually was.

"Yes ma'am." He gave her a tight smile, nodding his head.

"Can we do this meet and greet outside before we're smoked out?" His friend continued his plea.

Everyone began to move, following the captain, but Bucky remained at the back with Alex, reaching a hand out to her which she gladly took.

They had walked down what seemed like about ten identical corridors and Alex could feel herself having some difficulty breathing and as the group paused so that the captain could talk to his wrist by the looks of it, she coughed, trying to be discreet but nevertheless attracting Bucky's attention.

"What's wrong?" He looked at her, concerned. She tried to answer, but couldn't catch her breath, shaking her head and coughing again. "Alex?"

Stumbling back, Alex felt lightheaded and before she knew it Bucky had lifted her in his arms and they were on the move again. She tried to tell him to put her down but her voice kept coming out too strained for him to hear.

Next thing Alex saw was the clouds above them, rain falling from the sky and all she could hear was what sounded like a helicopter or maybe more than one. Her breathing was slowly returning to normal now that they were in the open air and Bucky seemed to have noticed, placing her steadily on her feet inside one of what she now saw were cargo planes before climbing in himself.

He dragged her to the back of the plane, out of earshot of the others getting in. "Are you okay? What happened?"

Alex took some more deep breaths, "I just took in a little too much smoke. I'm okay now."

"We'll get someone to check you over when we get back ."

They both looked up to see the captain stood there. "No, thanks captain, but I'm all good."

"It's Steve," he smiled, "And I insist you let them check you - just to be sure."

Alex looked to Bucky but his eyes were on the floor, "Fine." she relented. Steve looked at his old friend and Alex could tell he wanted to talk with him - alone. "I'll leave you to talk." She said, getting up and moving down the craft where she could see that Steve's friend was sat.

"What's with the backpack?" she asked, pointing to the metallic object next to him as she sat down.

He laughed, "It's not a backpack. It's, well, they're wings." There was clearly a longer explanation, but thankfully he just cut to the chase.

"Wow, so you can fly?"

"Yep, that's my superpower."

"That's an awesome superpower!" Her expression resembled that of an excited child, which he just laughed at.

"I'm Sam." He said, extending a hand, which she accepted.

"Alex."

"So, how do know the Transformer over there?" Sam gestured to Bucky, who was awkwardly talking to Steve.

"Hit him with my car." Alex said it like it was the most normal way to meet.

Sam nodded, "Romantic." he said, deadpan.

"I like to think so." They both remained poker faced for a moment before they burst out laughing.

"What's so funny?" Steve asked as he and Bucky approached them.

Sam's laughter died down, "Nothing, Alex was just telling me the story of how she met you man here."

Bucky looked to her awkwardly, so Alex just smiled, which seemed to relax him enough that he took the seat next to her. "I just told him I hit you with my car." She said in a hushed tone, to put his mind at rest.

He smiled, leaning close to her ear so he could whisper, "Steve said after you've been looked over, we can stay with them until we know what to do next."

"Okay." Alex said before leaning her head to rest on his shoulder as they made their way to wherever Steve was taking them.

 

She hadn't realised that she'd fallen asleep until she felt someone gently shaking her. As Alex blinked open her eyes and found Bucky crouched in front of her. "We're here," he said softly, brushing some hair from her face. Looking around her, she saw that she was lying down across the seat.

"You kept coughing - it sounded like you were having a little trouble breathing, so we thought if you lay down it might open up your airways." Steve stood next to where she lay, preparing to leave the aircraft. "Bucky barely took his eyes off you the whole way here."

Alex looked to Bucky who blushed a little, standing up and offering her his hand to help her up, "You seemed to get better after a while." He mumbled with a small smile, as though he was embarrassed that Steve had told her.

"We should go and get you checked out though, just to be sure." Steve waited for Alex to get up before the three of them started out.

The building they'd been taken to didn't seem much like anything, in fact it looked a little like a factory attracted to some sort of dam. Steve led them both down through a tunnel and into the building. The inside looked completely different, so modern and high-tech - Alex felt like she'd stepped into the future and looking at Bucky she could see that he was as equally in awe of their new surroundings.

There seemed to be people everywhere - some of whom they'd seen before and some who were sat at computers, typing away. They followed Steve into a small white room where there was a man sat waiting for them, "Fury said you'd need me." he said, standing as they walked in.

"Yeah, there was a fire and Alex took in a lot of smoke." Steve explained.

"I was having some trouble breathing earlier," Alex interjected. "But it seems to have got a lot better." She added, moving her to sit on the bed.

 

Half an hour later, the doctor had given Alex the O.K., and Steve had shown her to her room so she could shower. This left him and Bucky alone in the lounge area, sat on couches either side of the room. Things weren't as awkward between them as they had been, because Bucky remembered more about Steve now, but they were quiet, largely due to the fact that neither of them knew what to say.

"Thanks for helping us," Bucky broke the silence first.

Steve smirked, "'Us' is it?" he teased Bucky as he used to. And thankfully for him, his friend seemed to take it in good humour.

"She put herself in danger helping me, Steve. I care about her and I'm not gonna let them hurt her because of me." He took his eyes off his friend, blushing as he realised how protective he sounded.

But Steve just chuckled, shaking his head, "Seventy years later and an arm down and you still manage to get a girlfriend before me."

"What can I say Rogers? Super serum or not, under that tough exterior, you're still the same skinny punk that couldn't get a girl."

"Jerk."

They both burst out laughing, and for a little while it seemed like old times between them.

 

Alex had to admit it, she was glad of having hot water - they'd without it for a week and it had made her feel so much better. She changed into the pajamas that had been left on her bed and though they were a little big (they were clearly men's) they were very comfortable.

As she got into bed, Alex was suddenly very glad that they'd accepted Steve's offer. She'd missed having a decent bed - yeah, it had only been a week, but considering last places she'd slept were a cargo plane and a stone floor, the mattress was a welcome comfort. But, just as she lay down, there was a knock at the door.

"Come in," she grumbled, a little annoyed at the interruption.

The door opened and Bucky popped his head in. "Hey," Alex sat up. "Come in."

He walked in, closing the door behind him, but remaining stood awkwardly by the door.

"Are you okay?" Alex asked when Bucky stayed silent.

He shuffled a little on his feet before looking back at her, "Can I sleep in here?"

"Didn't Steve find you a room?" Her brow furrowed.

"Yeah, he did." Bucky stumbled over his words. _Why am I so nervous?_   "It's just, I sleep better next to you." Bright blue eyes peeked up at her, anxiously awaiting her reply.

 _Why was he nervous?_ Alex wondered, _It's not like we haven't done this, and more, before now._ "Okay." She said simply, putting his mind at ease and pulling the covers back to indicate that he should get in.

Bucky slipped in next to Alex, pulling the covers back as she turned off the bedside lamp. For a while they just lay there in the dark, neither of them moving.

"I was so scared that they were gonna hurt you and I'd never see you again." Alex spoke, finding his hand in the darkness and clutching it tightly.

He squeezed back, "Me, too." He said, voice a little hushed. "They said that they'd wipe my mind and make me kill you." Bucky sounded choked up. "I just kept replaying all the memories I had of you, hoping that if I could remember you clearly enough - then I'd remember you even if I couldn't remember anything else."

"Hey," Alex soothed him, tugging his hand so he'd face her, even though she wouldn't be able to see him in the pitch black. "I'm here now, we're both here. And you're okay - they're not gonna hurt you again."

Shuffling closer together, Bucky put an arm around Alex, pulling her flush against his body, enjoying the feeling of knowing that she was there and they hadn't managed to take her from him. "I love you." He whispered into the dark.

And though Alex would've liked to see his face, she was glad the darkness covered up the goofy, face-splitting grin that she was most definitely wearing right now. "I love you too."


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In honor of Seb's birthday - please enjoy some Bucky smut :3  
> I hope you guys like it...  
> *hides face*

Bucky woke up, reaching out for Alex only to find that she wasn't beside him. He sat up suddenly, terrified that he might have dreamt their escape, "Alex?" he called out, still half asleep.

"Yeah?" came a small voice, and Bucky noticed that she was sat in a small armchair by the window, staring out.

"How come you're up already?"

"I'm not sure it's 'up already' if you never slept." Alex didn't turn to face him when she spoke.

"You didn't sleep?" She shook her head. "Hey, come over here." He said when she finally turned around, tapping his hand on the bed next to him.

Alex walked over slowly, climbing in under the covers and resting her back on the headboard. "What's wrong?" Bucky asked, moving to sit in front of her.

"I killed them."

"Who?"

She looked down at her hands, "The guards on my cell. I killed them, Bucky."

"How come you never said anything earlier?"

Alex shrugged, "I guess the adrenaline of getting out meant that what I did didn't really sink in."

"Alex, you had to." He took her hand in his, using the other one to tilt her chin up so that she looked at him.

"Did I?" Tears began to fill her eyes. "I stabbed one of them in the back, but the other one I got in the leg and then I just knocked her unconscious and left her in there with the fire. She would've burned."

Bucky put both hands on her cheeks, inching his face closer to hers and looking her straight in the eye. "You had to do it to get out."

"I get it now." Alex said after a moment.

"What?"

"What you said to me after you killed those guys. That if it saved me you'd do it over again." Alex stared at him, wide-eyed. "I killed them because I needed to get you out. And I'd do it again."

He wiped away the tears that had begun to fall from her eyes. "You shouldn't have to. You shouldn't need to be this person." He took his hands away, eyes serious, "I'm sorry. This is all my fault."

"Yeah, it is." Bucky was taken back by Alex's sudden admission. "Because the only person I love is a huge security risk to my life." She smiled, receiving a small, if not slightly unconvinced smile in return.

"I'm gonna go take a shower." Bucky said, getting up and going towards the bathroom. "Try and get some rest." 

When the door closed, Alex lay down and within moments she was asleep.

 

She woke up in an empty room, Bucky had gone. She couldn't have been sleeping long though, as when she went into the bathroom, the shower was still steamed up from when Bucky had used it.

After a quick change, Alex left the room, moving towards the lounge before she stopped, hearing voices coming from inside one of the smaller rooms.

"So you think they've moved base?" She heard Bucky ask.

"Most likely," Another voice replied, and peeking around the corner for a second she saw that it was Steve. "After we attacked they would've moved to another location."

"And you think it's there?"

"We got some intel that said they were headed north. This is the only place big enough."

"So we go there."

"Go where?" Alex took her chance to walk into the room, interrupting their conversation as all eyes landed on her.

Steve's eyes were wide as he rubbed the back of his neck in an awkward attempt at looking casual, "Alex, hey!"

"Me and Steve were just talking about going on a supply run tomorrow." Bucky only managed to look slightly more casual than his friend.

They were terrible at lying and Alex wasn't buying it. "A supply run to find Strucker?" she 'asked'.

Steve chuckled nervously, "No, why would you--"

"I heard you talking." She cut him off, partly so he didn't have the chance to come up with some lame cover, but mostly to put him out of his misery. Steve was possibly the least comfortable liar she'd ever seen - it looked as though his mouth couldn't cope with false truths.

"Look, we've been trying to find Strucker for a long time, Alex." A man wearing _a lot_ of leather interjected; she hadn't didn't even noticed him there.

"And who are you exactly?"

"Nick Fury, ex-director of S.H.I.E.L.D." He said sharply, before continuing, "And now we know that he wants Bucky, and to an extent you, we can--"

"What? Use us as bait?" Alex snapped.

Fury stepped closer to her, "If we have to, yes!"

Alex laughed in outrage, "Oh! So, _that's_ why we're here?"

"No," Steve snapped, jaw clenching as he stared daggers at Fury. "You two are here so that you're safe."

"Right now, I'm having a lot of trouble believing that."

"Alex," Bucky cut in, "If we do this we could stop Strucker once and for all. We could stop running."

She sighed, turning to him, "I know that he needs to be stopped but it's not like he's just gonna let us waltz in there and take him out. He wants you Bucky, and he'll do anything to get to you - he made that pretty clear."

"Yeah, I know. And that's why you're gonna stay here." He lowered his eyes.

"What?!" _Who did he think he was, her father?_

Bucky sighed before looking at her sternly, "He can't use you as leverage if you're not there."

 _What, was she a liability now?_ "I can't believe this!" Alex threw her hands up, turning around and walking away from the little meeting.

"Alex!" She turned back to find Steve running after her, "Stop!"

When she didn't, he moved in front of her so she couldn't get past. "Look, I've known Bucky a long time."

"I'm well aware."

"Point is, he's protective of the people closest to him. And he'll do anything to keep them safe." Steve looked like he was trying to say something more, but couldn't find the right words. "What I'm trying to say is that Bucky doesn't want to lose focus during this mission." His brow creased, as though that didn't come out quite how he'd meant it.

It was nice that Steve was trying to stick up for his friend, but right now Alex really wasn't in the mood. "I know, but I'm not some hopeless case, Steve. I can take care of myself." She said, giving him a tight, half-hearted smile before walking away.

 

After walking around the building for a while, Alex found a stairwell. She climbed right to the top and opened the fire door to the roof. It was midday and the sun was high in the sky, though the air was cool. Reaching out, she picked up a discarded brick and used it to prop open the door - she wanted to be alone for a while, but not locked on the roof.

If they needed her out of the way, then she'd stay out of the way.

Alex sat on the floor, before lying back on the cold concrete, looking up at the clouds. it was something that she used to do with her parents when she was little - one of the only clear memories she had of both of them - looking at the sky and pointing out the shape of the clouds. It could be anything from a light-bulb to a tortoise in roller skates -  whatever they could think of. Doing this now relaxed her a little, taking her mind off everything that was happening.

But it made her think - would they be proud of this person she'd become? The things she'd done? The choices she'd made?

Her eyes began to well up at the thought of her parents, but she just carried on watching the clouds and taking deep, even breaths of fresh air.

 

She didn't go back inside until it started to get dark, retracing her steps back to the room. There was no one around except for a few agents still working at their computers. _Did they ever sleep?_

Opening the door, she stepped into her room, coming face to face with an angry looking Bucky, who sprung out of the chair he'd been sat in, "Where the hell have you been?" He said with a tone reminiscent of an annoyed parent.

She rolled her eyes, "I went for a walk."

"You went for a walk?" He raised an eyebrow incredulously, "Where?"

"Around." Alex narrowed her eyes at him, "I thought it was best that I stay out of the way. You never know who might want to use me as leverage."

Bucky sighed, "Alex, I know how that sounded, but I just want--"

"To protect me? Keep me safe?" She snapped, "Stop me if I guess."

"Don't be like that!"

"Like what, Bucky? Because last time I checked I managed to get myself out of that cell just fine. I killed people for Christ's sake! I can take care of myself!" She would've continued but Bucky covered her mouth with his hand.

He looked at her, "I know, that's what I'm worried about. I don't want you involved in this anymore than you are now. Alex, being involved in this world - it changes a person. And you are so perfect the way you are right now."

Eying her carefully, he slowly removed his hand, "I want to come with you guys." Alex said softly.

She obviously wasn't giving up, "I'll talk to Steve and Fury about it. But if they say no, you stay. Agreed?"

"Agreed. But only if they _both_ say no."

"...Fine." Alex pulled Bucky close, pressing a kiss to his lips. "You're really stubborn, you know that?"

"Yep." She smirked, biting her lip and leaning into Bucky as her hands began to rail down his arm.

He arched a brow at her, "Alex, you need to sleep," he said, pulling away.

"I can sleep after." Alex's hands played with the hem of his shirt, causing Bucky to take a sharp intake of breath as her fingertips brushed over his skin. "And I'm sensing that you don't want me to stop."

Bucky grabbed her hand before she could touch below the belt. "Stop." Bucky's voice was low, and though it sounded like a warning, Alex took it as a challenge.

"Make me."

He narrowed his eyes, hands gripping her waist, not hard, but tight enough to hold her still. Alex wasn't sure what his next move would be, but nevertheless she held his intense stare, her fingers still stroking the skin under his shirt.

Bucky's grip tightened, pulling her towards him and bringing their lips together in a hungry kiss. Despite his earlier protests, Alex knew he wanted this just as much as she did. But it was still sweet that he was trying to be a gentleman about it

Her hands gripped the hem of his shirt and pulled it over her head, dropping it on the chair that he'd been sat in. She shrugged off the open shirt she'd been wearing and then pulled her tank top over her head, before pulling Bucky back to her. She could already feel his arousal pressing against his pants, and she smiled against his lips.

"Maybe I should go to sleep, doesn't seem like you're that into it." Alex teased, turning away from him, only to have him grab her hand.

"Oh no you don't. You started this," he said.

Alex smiled again as Bucky took over pulling off his boots and pants. She quickly rid herself of her own, thinking how nice it was to not be sleeping on a floor listening for potential attackers, as she locked the bedroom door.

"Alex?" Bucky called out behind her and she realised he was already sitting on the bed, waiting for her.

She walked toward him, crawling along the mattress on her knees. He reached his hands out for her, grasping her around the hips. She leaned over him, kissing him as she pushed him down onto the bed. Alex trailed down and teased his nipple with her tongue, smiling when she felt him shiver, hands tightening on her waist.

Bucky started to sit up as though he were going to try to shift her around. "Don't," Alex protested. "As you were soldier, we're doing things a little differently this time." He was stiff for a minute, before he finally lay back down again. Alex peppered his chest with kisses and licked a trail down his stomach.

"Alex, what are you doing?" Bucky growled, cautious of her movements. But Alex just smiled up at him before taking him into her mouth, hearing him groan loudly.

"I'm pretty sure girls in my day didn't do this," he murmured. Alex didn't stop though, and the fact that he roughly buried the fingers of his (thankfully flesh) hand in her hair and tugged at it lightly told her that he didn't really want her to stop. And after a moment she felt Bucky's body still as he exploded in her mouth. "Wow," He panted.

"Welcome to the future," She crawled up his body and he leaned up to kiss her.

"Just...wow."

Alex leaned over him and Bucky's lips found her jawline, running over her neck and collarbone and up to her shoulder. Moving back a little, Alex got into position and eased herself onto him, grinding down on him and gasped as the sensation of that mixed with the feeling of Bucky's teeth sinking into her shoulder reacting to her movements on his still sensitive body.

He responded by wrapping his hands around her waist, and gripping tightly enough that Alex was sure it would leave bruises, helping to steer her movements to match his own. They moved together in sync, Bucky's lips finding hers again. He bit her bottom lip as she had done to him the first time, making her tug at his long hair, eliciting a groan from deep in his throat.

Bucky thrust deeper, becoming more comfortable with his movements, keeping Alex close to him, skin on skin as the heat built between them. Alex found her release at just the moment Bucky found his and they came, shaking, together. He closed his eyes, leaning his forehead against hers as their breathing calmed. When Alex finally moved, she slid just to the side of Bucky, one leg and one arm draped over him.

"I don't want to lose you," Bucky said after a few minutes, placing a kiss on top of her head.

"I'm not going anywhere," she said, hugging tighter around him. "I love you, Bucky."

"I love you too." He pulled the covers over them and wrapped his arm around Alex's waist as she drifted off to sleep.

 


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> FIIIIIIIIIIGHT!
> 
> I'm not that good at writing action, so I apologise :)

"So, when do we leave?" Alex asked as they gathered around the map, Strucker's potential location circled.

"All being well, tomorrow" Steve said quietly, focusing intently on the map, trying to figure out the best route for them to take. "Through the forest - here." He pointed at his chosen path, "Driving's too obvious, we go on foot."

Alex's brow furrowed; Steve seemed to be giving answers to questions that no one had actually asked him. But maybe that's how these things worked - she didn't really have any frame of reference.

"What do you need, Rogers?" Fury asked, though the captain's gaze remained focused.

"A handful of your best men and as much ammo as each of them can carry."

"A handful?!" Fury's incomprehension was almost masked by his outrage. "Rogers, we've got more than enough agents to tear down that whole building!"

This got Steve's attention, "That might have been the way S.H.I.E.L.D. did things, but that's no longer a valid method." The way Steve she S.H.I.E.L.D. was the closest Alex had come to hearing him swear. "I need a small group of the best to move in quietly, slip under the radar and the rest of the men will be back up. When we give a signal, they will storm the building while we can locate Strucker. They won't know what happened until it's over."

Fury was almost able to hide his contrite expression at having underestimated Steve's planning. Alex had to hold in a chuckle as she noticed that Fury resembled a child that had been told off by Steve's parent.

But while Alex was taking in this information she still couldn't ignore Bucky sullen expression as he leaned against the far wall watching them all from a distance. He could pout all he wanted, they had an agreement and given that she had **not** received two no's to her joining them, he couldn't make her stay.

"Alex?" Steve turned his attention to her, "As you're coming with us, I'd like to get you into combat training and firing range to ensure that you're fully equipped for this."

"Roger that Rogers." She nodded as he bundled her out of the room.

"Downstairs, at the end of the corridor. They'll be an agent waiting at the firing range for you. I'll come get you when you need to come to combat." He spoke in his no-nonsense captain voice and shut the door behind her, leaving Alex standing in the hallway trying to process what he had said.

 

Turns out she wasn't a bad shot. At first she was only grazing the edge of the paper outline but when she got her bearings, Alex was hitting the chest 9 shots out of 10. She was pretty pleased with herself to say the least.

Combat however, was a slightly different story. They'd worked on it for three hours and for the whole first hour she spent a lot of time looking up at the ceiling - after having been thrown to floor, or pinned to the floor or having her legs swept from under her. To cut a long story short - she hurt.

After a little while, Steve had taken her to one side, teaching her one-on-one the best kinds of moves to use when fighting and moves that they wouldn't expect. Bucky on the other hand, stayed as far away as he could still being able to see them, making it abundantly clear that he wanted no part of it.

Sulking.

"You did really well today, Alex," Steve said, throwing her a towel after they'd finished training. "You've come a long way. And though Bucky might not want to see it, I know you'll be able to handle yourself tomorrow."

"Thanks," Alex panted. It was all she could manage, given how exhausted she was. The fact that Steve had barely broken a sweat only served to make her feel more unhealthy.

He smiled his big all-American grin, "Get some sleep, I want everyone in briefing at 0500 hours."

Alex cringed internally - _5am?!_ Surely Strucker would still be there at like, 9am. "Sure thing." She gave what she could only hope was a convincing, smile before walking out of the gym. The shower was calling to her.

 

The hot water had helped a lot, but Alex knew that tonight wouldn't be a problem. The pain from her training would come tomorrow. And as she pulled on her sweatpants and a hoodie it suddenly dawned on Alex that she hadn't actually eaten all day, having been pushed from the meeting to the firing range to combat and then straight into the shower.

So, creeping out of her room and shuffling down the corridor Alex made her way towards the kitchen. There didn't seem to be many people around, though probably because of Steve's strict early morning meeting time. But she had to admit she was glad to be able to get into the empty kitchen without anyone hassling her. Going into the fridge she found that it was in a similar state that her own had been. _Didn't these people eat?_

 _Omelet?_ she thought.

"Omelet it is," She murmured, pulling the ingredients out and then almost dropping the eggs as she turned, coming face to face with Bucky. It hit Alex then that it was Bucky's voice that gave her the omelet idea, it hadn't come from inside her head. "Talking to me now?" Alex turned her back on him as she began cracking eggs.

He sighed, "I didn't want to distract you. There was a lot of stuff to take in about the mission."

"Oh, so you weren't sulking because they're letting me go?" she questioned, whisking the mixture, loudly.

"Look...Alex," he tried to speak over the noise and get her attention. But when that didn't work he rested his hands on her arms, effectively stopping the movement of the whisk. "Look, I'm not gonna pretend that I wouldn't prefer you to stay, but if you're going, I don't want to distract you or pull any of your focus."

"And you thought the way to do that was sulking in the corner?"

"What can I say, I'm new to this." She smiled and Bucky turned her in his arms. "It's just...you kept me safe when no one else would've and I _can't_ let anything happen to you."

"Nothing is gonna happen to me." Alex continued making the omelet.

Bucky sat down at the table, watching Alex cook. "It's gonna be different on this mission, Alex." She put the food onto a plate as he spoke. "And I'm scared."

Alex stopped, turning to face him. "'Scared'? Why?"

"What if he comes back?"

 _Who's 'he'?_ Alex asked herself, brow creased.

"The Soldier, I mean." Bucky explained, easing her confusion.

"What makes you think he would?" She didn't know why he was talking about the Winter Soldier as though he were a separate person, or why she was for that matter, but it just seemed like the right thing to do.

He sighed, looking at Alex with a pained expression - he really was worried about this, "I haven't done this sort of thing since I got my memories back and I don't know whether, when the fighting's over, I'll be able to come back."

Alex joined him at the table, pulling her chair to sit in front of his, "Bucky, it's gonna be okay. I promise you." She picked up a fork and held it out to him, "Besides, I am gonna be right next to you the whole time." He took the fork from her and Alex started to dig into the omelet. "And I promise you, if you change back into that guy and I don't know, I'll hit you with a car again."

He laughed and Alex saw him visibly relax, "Are you sleeping in with me tonight?"

"If you'll have me," he smiled, sticking his fork into the omelet and taking a bite. "That is not good."

Alex shook her head in agreement, "It's really not. I think those were old eggs." She mumbled, spitting the contents of her mouth into a napkin as Bucky did the same. They burst into laughter as Alex tipped the plate into the trash and getting them some water. "Here, drink this, get rid of that god-awful taste."

 

5am came around a lot quicker than Alex would've liked. The aching in her joints wasn't nearly as bad as she'd expected, although for a while she moved around the room as if she was at least eighty. And not some sort of super soldier eighty, either.

Alex and Bucky were among the last to the briefing, which didn't go unnoticed by Fury, who eyed them from behind Steve who was laying out the details of the plan. It was much the same as he'd told them yesterday; Steve, Bucky, Sam and herself (along with four other agents) would go ahead of the others, scout out the building and find the best way in and then Steve would call in Fury, Hill and the rest of the agents to cause a distraction and draw Strucker's team out. And, if everything went as planned, they'd be able to take out Strucker quickly and easily before he even knew they were there.

The room began to clear before Alex even realised that Steve had finished talking. "Suit up," he said, picking up his shield, already dressed in full Captain America gear.

Bucky looked to Alex, smirking as her brow raised, "I don't know what you were expecting me to wear, but this is about as suited up as it's gonna get, pal." She gestured to the black skinny trousers, combat vest and black jacket that she was wearing already, "You're never getting me in one of those." Alex pointed at the skintight leather suit worn by one of the female agents.

Steve chuckled, "Okay, let's get out there then."

They followed him outside to a black SUV, where Sam was waiting for them. As they walked out the building an agent handed them a handgun and extra cartridge each, as though they were leaflets being handed out on a street corner. Feeling the weight of the weapon in her hand, Alex became very aware that she would have to hurt and most probably kill people on this mission, there was no getting around that.

 _They're not good people, Alex._ She reminded herself, trying to justify their actions. _They tried to kill you._

They group climbed in the back of the van, Bucky and Sam sitting across from Alex and Steve. No one spoke on the journey and so Alex took the chance to absorb each of her teammates' expressions. First, she looked to Sam, whose eyes were trained on the floor, a look of quiet contemplation on his face - he'd told her that he was a soldier before, but it was only now that she could see it - he looked almost as though he was preparing for the worst. Then, Alex's eyes moved to the man next to her. Steve was every bit the captain - poker faced with his gaze set firmly on the middle-distance - and though she hadn't known Steve that long, Alex could tell he was going over the plan again and again in his head. But there was an element of concern as his eyes flicked to his best friend. He was worried.

Her eyes followed Steve's and came to rest upon Bucky, his anxious look fixed on his metal appendage. He was scared, Alex knew that - he'd told her - but this made her worry for him. She didn't want the Winter Soldier back anymore than he did, but she didn't want Bucky to worry so much that he'd lose focus and let his guard down. He raised cautious blue eyes up to hers and Alex gave a small smile to reassure him, which he half-heartedly returned though she could tell that it was to make her feel better.

Their vehicle pulled to a stop at the tree line; they were walking from here. Climbing out they saw that the other agents were waiting, "Gang's all here," Sam chuckled, as he came to stand by Alex. The agents accompanying them looked like they could've all been the same guy, stood rigid, eyes on Steve, hands gripping their guns.

"Well, if the espionage careers don't work out, they could always form a boyband," She replied as both of them tried to conceal their laughter.

"Be serious," Steve silenced them with a stern look.

"Aye, aye Captain," Alex saluted and she could have sworn she saw Steve smile, however much he'd tried to hide it.

He pulled on his helmet before slotting his shield onto his forearm, "Let's go."

They all started into the forest, and once inside they began to spread out. "Hey," Bucky pulled Alex lightly by the arm, "Stay close." Everything seemed to be a little too quiet as they crept through the trees and Alex could see that Bucky was just as wary as she was. But Steve kept going, and where he went, they all followed.

After a few minutes they came to a small clearing from which they could see Strucker's base, although the clearing was concealed enough so that they wouldn't be seen in return. Steve gathered them close, "There should be a small door at the back of the building. That's how we'll get in there." He kept his voice low, turning his attention to the boyband. "You four go ahead, take out the guards at the back and then confirm it's clear through the com link and move to the front and wait for Fury." They nodded their assent before creeping off toward the building.

"So what do _we_ do?" Alex asked, noticing that Steve had not mentioned their part of the plan.

"We wait," he replied, watching after one half of his team.

 

Some time passed before they heard the all-clear through the com link, but as soon as they had, the four of them moved quickly towards their entrance. They stayed low against the side wall as they moved to the rear of the building. From where they were, Alex could hear as Fury's team approached, causing panic inside. "This is where we part ways. Sam, me and you are going up there." Steve said, pointing to a balcony above the rear door. "Alex, Bucky, you go in here. Keep your com links open and notify us if Strucker's found.

Alex watched as Steve made his way up the building like some kind of Chinese Acrobat and as Bucky went to move inside, she caught his arm, "Hey, advanced parkour isn't exactly my strong suit. So, y'know, don't go where I can't follow, okay?" He chuckled, nodding, and Alex was comforted knowing that she wouldn't be left alone in this.

It was dark inside and the gunfire from outside coupled with the ominous sound of rapid footsteps did nothing to calm Alex about them landing straight in the enemy's laps. They continued down a long corridor until they came to what she could only assume was the heart of the building - a rounded room filled with computers, all of which were deserted. Slowly Bucky stepped further in, but as Alex went to go after him, a metallic sound rang out - a bullet ricocheting off his robotic arm.

He pushed Alex back behind him, shooting a guard on the upper floor. Suddenly they were surrounded and, standing back to back they fired at Strucker's men until they ran out of bullets. Luckily, by the time this happened they were down to two guys. Bucky grabbed one by the throat while Alex kicked the other hard in the stomach before smashing the butt of her gun into his temple, leaving him unconscious.

She turned sharply at the sound of a gun being cocked, finding another guard, whose gun was pointed directly at her. For a second, she panicked, but just behind him Alex saw Bucky with his finger pressed against his lips. Before the guard could make another move, Bucky pushed him to the ground, roughly smashing his face on the floor to knock him out.

They barely had a second to take a breath when Steve came through on the com link - _'We have a location for Strucker. Upper floor, aircraft hanger.'_

Alex looked to Bucky, who nodded towards the staircase behind her. He picked up one of the soldier's guns, tossing it to her before placing one over his shoulder as they made their way to Steve and Sam's location. Alex was concerned that they didn't know where they were going but considering the quite frankly, immense trail of unconscious forms led them like breadcrumbs to the other half of their team, who currently had Strucker cornered. All had their guns raised, creating a stalemate that she and Bucky had walked right into the middle of.

"It's over, Baron," Steve spoke authoritatively, "Put the gun down."

He smirked seeing Bucky approach, "You of all people should know it's never over," he said to Steve. "I should thank you, Captain," Noticing the confusion on Steve's face, Strucker's smirk grew wider and more dangerous, "For bringing me the Soldier."

Alex saw Bucky's shoulder's tighten in front of her as he moved ever closer to Strucker. "You think that we're just gonna let you take him and go?" Sam asked, a little amused at Strucker's obvious delusion.

"Well, it really doesn't matter," The Baron cocked his gun, aiming it at Steve, "Because I would kill every one of you and simply take the Soldier for my reward."

"No one here seriously believes you'll do that, Strucker. "Steve spoke, calling his bluff to buy them some time as Bucky crept nearer and nearer to his friend's assailant; like an animal sneaking up on his prey he took small movements so as not to attract attention to himself.

The Baron sighed, "That is where you're wrong, Rogers."

He fired as Bucky pushed the arm holding the gun so the shot missed Steve and Strucker was knocked against the wall. Bucky gripped Strucker's throat, forcing him higher until his feet came off the floor. "I knew the Soldier was still in there," he spluttered with a breathless laugh. The grip only tightened as Bucky continued to stare at him with hard eyes, "You cannot run from it, Barnes."

Alex moved forward, ready to stop Bucky when another shot rang out in the hanger, hitting Strucker in the chest. As Bucky noticed the blood seeping through Strucker's shirt, he dropped his lifeless form to the floor. All four of them turned to see Fury by the entrance, holding a rifle in his hands, "That guy was really starting to piss me off." He dropped the gun to the floor as they all breathed a sigh of relief.

They won. It was over. Bucky was still here and everyone was okay.

But why did she feel so cold?

"Alex?" She heard Bucky call to her, concerned. _I'm fine, I just need to sit down, maybe sleep a little._

God, she was tired.

"Alex!" Bucky was shouting now, running to her side as she sank to the floor. "Alex, what's wrong?"

She tried to answer him, but she didn't know. It didn't matter though, Bucky had lifted her jacket a little and came face to face with a bullet wound in her abdomen, soaking her shirt in blood.

"No," he said in a horrified whisper. "Steve! We need help! Alex needs to get to a hospital!" He looked up to see Steve speaking hastily into his com link.

"We won. We can stop running?" Bucky's eyes shot back down to the girl in his arms as she tried to speak.

He felt his eyes well up, "Yeah."

"Good," She attempted to smile but it came out more like a pained grimace.

"We're gonna get you some help, okay?" Bucky tried to calm her, but he was panicking more than she was, "Steve!"

But Alex drew his attention back, taking his hand in hers, "Bucky...I lo..."

"Alex?" He shook her as her eyes began to close, "Alex?!" The grip on his hand had loosened. As tears started to fall from his eyes, Bucky shook her again desperately trying to wake her, but her eyes remained closed. "No...no! Don't go where I can't follow, remember? It works both ways, Alex. Please don't leave me."

Leaning down he could hear that she was still breathing softly, so scooping up her fragile body in his arms he sprinted towards Steve, who was leading over agents with a stretcher, ready to load Alex into the SUV. They took her away and all Bucky could do was watch.

"Hey." He felt a hand on his shoulder as Steve stood beside him, "She's gonna be okay, Buck, I promise. Alex is strong - she'll pull through."

Bucky gave a half-hearted nod, praying that Steve was right.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ___/\\___/\\___/\\___/\\___/\\___
> 
> Alex's life is hanging in the balance and Bucky can't stop blaming himself for her condition...
> 
> ___/\\___/\\___/\\___/\\___/\\___

"How's he doing?" Sam asked, coming to stand by Steve in the doorway.

He sighed, "He hasn't slept. He doesn't eat and as far as I know he has not left her side in the three days since he got here."

They looked into the room at Bucky, who sat close to the side of Alex's hospital. "And how's she?"

Steve shrugged, turning to look at Sam. "I don't know. The doctors haven't told us much."

"That doesn't sound promising."

Bucky could hear them talking in the hallway, but he didn't want to listen to whatever they were saying. He kept his attention firmly on Alex, desperately hoping for any sign that she was going to okay, some kind of movement, a small twitch - anything. Both of his hands were closed around her small one, the warmth coming from her skin was promising and Bucky just hoped that she'd be comforted by the contact.

She seemed so fragile, lying there on the bed, still. Bucky's eyes flicked from the steady rise and fall of Alex's chest, up to the machine that monitored her heart rate, the occasional beep of which served to calm him no end. But finally he brought his eyes back up to her face, long dark eyelashes fanned out against her pale skin, pink lips parted by the tube which allowed her to breathe. Bucky longed for her to wake up.

It made his heart break, sitting here day after day whilst the idea of a life with Alex seemed to slip further away. But more than anything he was angry; at himself, at whoever agreed for her to go, at Strucker and even at Alex herself. Bucky knew it wasn't her fault she was shot, but if she'd just listened to him instead of being so set on going - no, he couldn't be angry with her, not seeing her like this.

The truth was Bucky hadn't ever lost anyone. Yeah, he went to war and men died, but never any of the people close to him.

 _He_ was the one _they_ lost.

And because of that he wasn't around when his parents died, his friends, anyone he knew - he'd come to realise that they were gone, along with the world he knew and of course it was a massive loss and the sudden realisation had caused him to feel despondent about this new life - but he'd never been there like he was now, with someone he loved's life hanging in the balance. But he couldn't think like that. Alex was going to wake up, she was going to live.

No one would tell him the full extent of what the bullet had done, but whatever it was had done some damage. When they arrived at the hospital, she'd been rushed into surgery and they told him that he'd have to wait in the hall. It was an image that Bucky would never forget; Alex lying still on that gurney, her blood soaking through her shirt as they attached an oxygen mask to her mouth, rushing her through the theater doors - knowing there was nothing he could do. No way he could help her now - only waiting. And the one doctor that would tell them anything only said that they had hope that Alex would pull through.

 _Hope_. It was all any of them could do.

Bucky heard someone move across the room and sit down next to him. "Buck?" It was Steve. "Can I get you anything?"

"No." He replied quickly, keeping his focus firmly on Alex.

But Steve was worried about his friend, "Are you sure you don't want anything?"

"I want her to wake up!" It came out harsher than he intended it to. He turned to face Steve, "Sorry."

"It's okay, you're worried about Alex, I can understand that." Steve lowered his eyes. "If I knew that this would've happened when I said yes to her going then--"

"It was you?" Bucky looked at him with hard eyes, his voice dangerously low. "You said she could come?!"

"Yeah, because I know what it's like to be told by people you can't fight."

Bucky's rage only grew hearing this, "That's because you couldn't fight, Steve! And if you were still that skinny guy, you _still_ wouldn't be able to fight!" He didn't mean it, but right now he was so angry he couldn't stop himself. "But that's not the point, Alex wasn't ready for this and she shouldn't have to have been!"

"She was hit accidentally! It had nothing to do with her being ready!" Steve needed to make him understand, but he could see that Bucky was past the point of comprehension, "Alex can handle herself, I know that and so do you."

For a moment Bucky was silent, lips tight, eyes shining with tears, "They said she might not make it."

Hearing this, Steve felt his stomach drop. That was why he was reacting like this, "Bucky, I'm so sor--"

"All you had to do was say no!" Bucky's voice broke into heart wrenching sobs and Steve could do nothing but watch as his friend fell to pieces. "She wouldn't have been there..."

Steve leaned in to wrap his arm around his friend as he cried, but this was the wrong move as Bucky threw his arm off, lifting Steve a little and pinning him against the wall. "I stopped Strucker from shooting you. If I hadn't, Alex would be fine." He spat bitterly.

It was all Steve could do not to fight the grip that held him, but he'd never fought Bucky and he wasn't about to start now. Not while he was like this. And then, in a flash it was like the red mist had lifted from Bucky's eyes. "...Sorry. Steve, I'm so sorry." He dropped his arm, words coming out in a horrified whisper as he backed away. Steve nodded to the agent who had come gun raised into the room when he heard the commotion, and he left them.

"Maybe you should go back to base for a little while. Shower, get some rest." He spoke softly to Bucky, compassion evident from his voice.

But he just shook his head, "I can't leave her."

"She's not gonna be alone, Buck. I'll stay, let you know if anything changes."

Bucky nodded, his eyes focused on Alex's sleeping features, "What if she doesn't wake up, Steve?" He swallowed hard as the tears welled up in his eyes.

"Alex is gonna wake up," Steve reassured his friend, though there was nothing to say either way. "And when she does, it'd be better if you weren't splattered in blood." He gestured to the shirt that Bucky was wearing, still stained from the Strucker mission.

Looking down at himself, Bucky managed a halfhearted chuckle. "Okay...okay." He nodded, standing. He clutched Alex's hand for a moment, silently willing her to wake up. "I'll be back later - and I want you to promise you'll call if anything changes."

"I promise."

 

Bucky had to admit, he did feel somewhat better after having showered. But he couldn't sleep, he was too worried about Alex, not to mention the fact that the only place he'd slept at the base was in her bed and he just couldn't face it. So, after changing he found himself just sitting on the bed, taking in the silence.

He kept replaying all the things she'd said to him, from the time they'd met, up to now...

_'I **want** to help you remember, Bucky.'  
'Why?'  
'_ _Because you deserve to know who you are.'_

She didn't have to help him - especially after finding out what he was. There weren't many people out there who would help an assassin

_'You're not an assassin Bucky._ _You're a good guy.'_

After everything he'd done, Alex still made him feel like he was worth something - that he was worth saving. He let his mind wander to the night when he talked her into leaving with him

_'How do you know that you're gonna be able to keep me safe?'_   
_'I don't, but you need to let me try.'_

He'd let her down. Alex had brought him back and he led her into danger. He didn't deserve her, not after everything he'd put her through - the man he was caused nothing but trouble for everyone he met

_'You're not a monster! You're a guy who had this life forced on him when he was vulnerable. Who you were doesn't matter, it's who you want to be. No one's gonna control you, no one's pointing you in the right direction. It's all you now, you get to decide who you are and what kind of man you're gonna be.'_

Like she had since they met, Alex managed to make him feel worthwhile - without even having to be conscious to do it. And Bucky knew what kind of man he wanted to be now. He wanted to be the man who got the girl - who fought like hell for his happy ending. He wanted to be the man that Alex loved, the one she knew was good.

The phone rang next to Bucky and he picked it up so fast that he almost crushed it in his metal fist. "Hello? Steve?" He spoke anxiously into the receiver.

"Buck, you need to get back down here - it's Alex."

He hung up the phone, not waiting to hear the rest of what Steve was saying - there was saying - there was news about Alex and by the sound of his friend's voice he knew it wasn't good.

 

When Bucky got to the hospital he went straight to Alex's room - she wasn't there. He ran back out in panic, eyes desperately searching the hall to catch sight of anyone he knew

"Bucky!"

He heard Steve call from the end of the corridor where he was sat. "What happened?" He asked when he reached his friend.

"I don't know. I was sat in there next to Alex and all of a sudden the monitor started beeping really fast. Then the doctors came in and they made me leave." Steve spoke slowly, carefully explaining the situation. "They took her back into surgery. That's when I called you."

Bucky's anxiety reached a new high, "Have you heard anything else?"

Steve shook his head, "They said they'd come get me when they had any news."

He was about to ask Steve more when Bucky saw a nurse approach them, "Mr Rogers?" She came to a stop in front of them and they stood in unison to receive the news. "Alex is out of surgery."

"What happened?" Bucky barely waited for her for her to finish before jumping in.

The nurse eyed him suspiciously. "It's okay, he's her boyfriend." Steve clarified.

"Oh," She nodded in understanding, "Well, there were some complications with internal bleeding. It's rare, but it can happen with wounds such as the one Alex sustained."

"And?"

She gave him a small smile, "She seems to have responded well to the surgery, but I'm afraid that we're more or less back to where we were." Bucky frowned, confused. "The doctors don't know exactly how the wound is going to heal, internally."

The nurse led Steve and Bucky back to Alex's room, where she once again lay still in the bed, almost as though she'd never been moved at all.

Bucky took his place again at her side, taking her hand in his as Steve once again sat beside him. "It looks promising though," the nurse smiled, seeing Bucky at Alex's beside, "Alex is strong, I've never seen anyone respond to surgery as well as her. It's like she's fighting to come back."

"Thank you," He said in a hushed tone, looking to the nurse and giving her a weak smile before turning his gaze back to Alex.

 

After a while Bucky made Steve go back. He was thankful for his friend's support, but he could feel Steve not only worry for Alex, but worry for him too. And he just couldn't deal with that right now.

All he wanted was for Alex to open her eyes.

It almost took him back to the night when she'd told him about her parents, when she fell asleep in his arms. For a while Bucky had just watched her sleep, not in a creepy way, but just trying to figure her out - he couldn't understand why she felt this need to look after him and how someone who had been through as much as her would want to help a stranger at all. But from that moment he wanted to protect Alex. Bucky felt like she was one of the few people who could actually understand how he felt.

Picking up her hand, he placed a kiss on her palm, "I love you, Alex. Please come back to me." He whispered before placing the hand back down on the bed, clutching it tightly in his own.

 


	13. Chapter 13

_'Alex?....Alex?!'_

Then darkness...it was so dark...so quiet and she was so alone.

All she could do was fight the darkness, but each time she tried to fight it, it just seemed to close further in around her. This didn't stop Alex though, she would fight for as long as it took - she wasn't dead yet.

Finally she managed to force open her eyes, if only a little, allowing her to blink away the darkness in favour of the artificial light above her.

_Where was she?_

The whole of her body felt numb.

_What happened?_

Her whole body, except her right hand. There was a warmth surrounding it.

When Alex finally managed to fully open her eyes to see that she was in a hospital, she looked to her right. Sure enough, her small hand was wrapped in a larger one and raising her eyes she found that that hand belonged to Bucky, who at this moment was sat in a chair beside her, his eyes closed and head bowed a little. His lips were parted and she could hear soft, steady breathing, so Alex could tell that he was asleep. It made her smile - or it would have if she could've managed it.

Looking up, Alex could see that the tube attached to her wrist was pumping morphine into her, which explained the numbness; preferable, she imagined, to whatever the feeling of not having the morphine would be. She felt her fingers twitch, an involuntary reaction to her lack of movement - but this seemed enough to make Bucky's eyes shoot open, first falling on her hand in his and then moving quickly up to her face.

His eyes widened and a breathtaking grin spread across his face, "Hey," he spoke softly, voice a little strained as tears appeared in his baby blues.

"Hi." Alex noticed that it took some effort to speak through the morphine and she was a little shocked at how husky her voice sounded. "What...what happened?"

"The shot that Strucker fired - it missed Steve. But it hit you." He wiped away a stray tear that rolled down his cheek. "You've been out for four days."

Alex managed a sort of half-nod of understanding, "Is it wrong for me to say that I'm still pretty tired?" She smirked a little.

Against his better judgement, Bucky chuckled. "No, not at all." He stood, placing a soft kiss on her forehead - a feeling Alex relished. "You should get some more rest, I'm gonna go tell the nurse that you're awake."

"No," Alex tightened her grip on his hand. "Don't leave. I don't want to feel alone again." Her tone was desperate as she began to panic slightly, trying to sit up off the bed.

"Shh," Bucky soothed her, so she'd lie back down. He smiled, "Alex, you weren't ever alone. I've been here the whole time, and the one hour in the past for days that I wasn't here, Steve was. I wouldn't leave you alone." He stroked his thumb over her knuckles, "But I need to tell the nurse you're awake because they'll want to check you over. I'll be gone for two minutes, I promise."

"Okay."

As promised, Bucky was back as quick as he'd gone, a nurse trailing behind him, smiling brightly at Alex. "Welcome back." She picked up the notes from the foot of the bed and began to write, "You gave everyone quite the scare. How are you feeling?"

"A little like someone shot me," Alex smiled back, causing the nurse to chuckle.

"Well, your vitals seem okay from what I can see. Heart-rate's a little high, but that's to be expected."

Bucky had returned Alex's hand to his, "How long before she'll be able to leave?"

"We'll have to do some more tests just to be sure you're okay, but ideally we like to keep gunshot victims in for a few days." She saw Bucky's brow furrow as if he thought that they were waiting for something else to go wrong. "Just to ensure that she's healing properly." The nurse reassured him.

Bucky nodded, frowning slightly and Alex squeezed his hand a little to stop him worrying. "I'll go an get the doctor to come and do those tests."

"Thank you." He managed to murmur a response.

 

An hour later and Alex had been poked and prodded, given what had seemed like every test they could think of and now she and Bucky were left alone; her propped up against the pillows and him sat beside her in what seemed to be his permanent home.

"I was so scared," he said after a while, not taking his gaze of his metal hand, fidgeting and flexing the fingers.

Alex sighed, "You and me both."

"That's why I couldn't leave you alone," Bucky said, moving to perch on the side of her bed, careful not to hurt her at all. "I was terrified that you weren't gonna wake up, and I just..." She could see that it was hard for him to talk about. "You mean so much to me."

He looked to Alex with wide eyes, glistening tears, placing his metal hand against her cheek and then thinking better of it. But as he went to move it away, she stopped him, putting her hand on top and leaning into the cool, soothing touch. "You don't need to worry anymore. It's gonna take a lot more than a stray bullet to get rid of me." She smiled at him.

Bucky gave a tight smile in return and leant in to place a kiss on her forehead, lips staying there for a moment as he wrapped an arm around her (gently, so as not to hurt her) and pulled her closer to his chest. "Good, because you're not allowed to do that to me ever again."

"You're just taking the fun out of everything..." She smirked into his chest and felt Bucky laugh.

"You should get some more sleep," he said, going to stand, but Alex pulled him back.

"Stay here."

Bucky paused for a moment, as if debating it in his head, before he sat back. Alex lay her head down on his stomach, moving gingerly to wrap her arms around his waist. After she'd settled, Bucky placed his arms carefully round Alex almost like he thought that if he moved too fast she'd break.

It wasn't the comfortable way for Bucky to sleep - one leg on the bed, one off, with his head resting on the wall - but holding Alex in his arms and knowing that she was going to be okay calmed his enough that he was hit by a four-day wall of exhaustion. He was asleep in minutes.

 

Alex was first to wake, a searing pain from her abdomen and looking over she could see that the way she had moved during the night during the night had pulled the morphine drip from her wrist. So clearly, what she was feeling now was the full extent of her injury. Bucky was still asleep beneath her, which was no surprise given that he hadn't slept in days and in the doorway, Alex could see the same nurse from yesterday peeking in while also taking the occasional glance at the hallway.

Seeing that Alex was awake, she gave a small smile, raising her eyebrows. "I'm keeping guard in case the matron comes by. He shouldn't have slept in here," she gestured to Bucky's sleeping form.

"I know, but it helped."

"Did it? Because it just looks like it meant that your drip came out."

Alex struggled to sit up, thankful it didn't wake Bucky. "You could look at it from that perspective, or...we could see it as me sleeping through the pain even with the loss of morphine."

The nurse gave a small laugh, moving into the room, "Touché. But I'm afraid you're gonna have to wake him up."

"Okay," Alex sighed. "But I'm gonna need you to put the morphine back in afterwards."

"Deal."

She turned slowly so as not to disturb her stitches and faced Bucky, whose head still rested on the wall behind the bed. Alex took his flesh hand in hers, "Bucky?" she spoke gently and he stirred, but didn't wake up. "Hey, wake up, Buck." She shook his hand gently, brushing the long dark hair from his face. Bucky's hand tightened around hers almost painfully as his eyebrows knit together like he was having a nightmare. Suddenly, his metal hand flew out, grabbing hold of the chair beside the bed. The nurse moved to get help, but Alex stopped her, " No, it's okay." She turned her attention back to the sleeping man in front of her. "Bucky?"

His eyes shot open, "Alex?" he panted in a confused whisper. He looked to his left and released the chair in his grip, eyes widening at the sight of the dent he had left in the metal frame. "I'm sorry," Bucky practically leapt off the bed to stand on the far side of the room, watched anxiously by Alex.

"It's okay, you didn't hurt anyone."

He cradled his metallic arm against his chest, untrusting of the metallic limb, "But I could have."

"But you didn't."

"I'm gonna go...go and call Steve, let him know that you're okay..." Bucky broke the silence and walked quickly from the room.

It took a moment before the nurse put the drip back into Alex's arm and she immediately felt that the pain was lessened and her eyes became heavy. And as much as Alex tried to fight it, she was pulled once again into sleep.

 

Steve arrived at the hospital not long after Bucky had called him and though Alex was awake, his friend's tone sounded like there was more to it.

"What's wrong?" he asked, when he finally reached Bucky.

"Nothing, she's fine."

Steve's brow creased, "That's not how you sounded in the phone."

"Oh, that. I'd just woke up." Bucky spoke quickly, covering up for his earlier anxiety.

"Okay," Steve wasn't convinced, but he didn't want to push any further. "So, Alex is better?"

Bucky's face brightened at the mention of her name, "Yeah, she's awake and feeling a little better," he smiled, "The doctors are keeping her in for a couple more days, but they think Alex is gonna make a full recovery."

"Yeah, this time." Steve mumbled without thinking. But when he realised he had said that aloud, he prayed it had gone unheard by Bucky.

But no such luck. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Nothing," Steve sighed, shaking his head, but it was clear that Bucky was not going to take that as an answer. "It's just -  well, there's nothing to say that something like this won't happen again."

For a while the two of them just stood there, silent - Bucky processing, Steve unsure of what to say next. Finally, he couldn't stand it any longer, "I'm...gonna go say 'hi' to Alex."

Steve practically ran past Bucky, who still stood, dazed and confused.

_Would Alex ever be safe with them?_


	14. Chapter 14

  
A few days later, Bucky had brought Alex back from the hospital and though she had been given the all-clear from the doctor, Bucky still insisted on her doing absolutely nothing as though if she was to do anything more than simple tasks like making a drink, she was running the risk of being shot again.  
  
But what Alex didn't know was that was exactly what Bucky was thinking. Over the past days what Steve had said at the hospital constantly went through his head and he had distanced himself from everyone and withdrew into his thoughts, trying to decide whether the pros of Alex being with them here outweighed the cons.  
  
And though she may not have known what he was thinking Alex could tell that something was wrong. To be honest, she had a lot of time to observe while doing nothing. And he was quiet and distant, a little like he had been when they first met, just not as guarded. Was something wrong? Something he wasn't telling her? Alex had asked him a couple of times but he always gave evasive answers and then made up some excuse to leave. But it wasn't just with her, he seemed to be acting that way with everyone, he'd spend most of the day outside the base or in the gym and he'd stay up so late that by the time he came to bed Alex was already asleep.   
  
It wasn't that Bucky seemed angry or anything, it was more like he was distracted - they talked like they always had, but he just seemed as though he was thinking about something else. There was something wrong and Alex was going to find out what.  
  
She waited outside the gym at the time she knew Steve was gonna be in there - he always worked out at the same time each day - consistency was one of the best things about him and if anyone had any idea of what was eating Bucky it was gonna be Steve.  
  
"Hey," Alex whispered urgently, pulling him to one side. Honestly he looked terrified and she couldn't really blame him, Steve was not used to being manhandled by women.   
  
"Hi," he mocked her urgent tone with a confused expression that silently asked her why exactly he was being kidnapped on his way out of the gym.   
  
"What's going on with Bucky?" She asked, not wasting any time.  
  
However this just seemed to confuse Steve further, "What are you talking about? He's fine."  
  
"Is he though?!" Alex practically hissed at Steve and suddenly realised how crazy she must have looked (and sounded) right now, with her face inches away from his, eyes wide. "Sorry."  
  
She hadn't realised it until now, but Steve was pressed right up against the wall, which he now moved away from slightly, "It's okay, it's just I thought you might throw that hot coffee at me for a minute there." He pointed to the steaming mug in her hand.  
  
Alex stepped back, putting some distance between them. "I'm just worried. Bucky's been acting really weird since I got out of hospital, he's quiet and distant. He just seems distracted."  
  
"Have you tried asking him what's wrong?"  
  
"This is Bucky. Every time I ask he just cuts me off by saying I need more rest, or he's got something to do." Alex sighed, "Either way he just brushes it off."  
  
Steve knew Bucky, if he wasn't talking about something it was important and he was trying to decide what to do. "Do you want me to talk to him?"  
  
"Would you?"  
  
"Sure," he smiled. "Just try to stop worrying." If Bucky would tell anyone what he was thinking it was probably gonna be him.   
  


  
Steve spent an hour looking for Bucky until he found him outside, sat on the railing of the damn. He was just staring into space, brows furrowed as he thought. Steve said nothing as he hopped up on the railing next to his friend. "What's going on, Buck?" He said after a while, "Alex is worried about you."  
  
"Why?" Came the quiet reply.  
  
"Because you're quiet and distant. Is something bothering you?"  
  
"'Is something bothering me?'" Bucky looked at Steve incredulously and in that moment he could see where Alex had got that slightly scary stare from. "You don't know what's bothering me?"  
  
Steve narrowed his eyes as he tried to think, "Should I?" He winced a little.   
  
"Oh, I don't know. Something about there not being anything to say that Alex won't get hurt again."  
  
It was his fault then. "Oh, that."  
  
"Yeah, that."  
  
"Well, it might not be something you wanna think about, Buck, but it's true. About all of us, not just Alex," Steve added before Bucky could protest. "None of us know what might happen tomorrow, but it's the business we're in."  
  
Bucky pursed his lips, " _We_ are, but she isn't."  
  
"She is now."   
  
"Look, Steve. I appreciate you coming down here and doing the concerned best friend thing, but there's a lot to think about. **_I_ ** will talk to Alex when I know what to say. So I'd appreciate it if you kept it to yourself." The odd thing about Bucky these days was that Steve could never be sure of how he was feeling.  
  
"Fine. But you know you can't make this decision for her." He said as Bucky began to turn away.  
  
"I can't let her make it either."  
  
"Why?"  
  
Bucky turned back, "You know why, Steve. Alex is loyal and...headstrong." He said with a small smile, which almost immediately disappeared.   
  
Steve watched as Bucky walked away, his head hung low. He couldn't tell Alex what was wrong with Bucky without making her worry more, but she needed to talk to him before his head exploded.

  
  
Alex sat on her bed, bewildered from Steve's brief and nonspecific conversation about Bucky. Well, perhaps not a conversation so much as Steve talking really fast and leaving before Alex had a chance to reply. His exact words were something along the lines of "You were right, there is something wrong with Bucky - I can't tell you what, so don't ask. But you need to talk to him before he gets to caught up in his head." Which did nothing to make her feel any less worried.   
  
So now she was just waiting. Sitting on the bed, waiting for Bucky to come back from whatever it was that he was busying himself with tonight. Waiting and wondering.  
Wondering what could possibly be wrong with Bucky that would make Steve react that way.  
  
Thankfully, she didn't have to think about it for very long because the bedroom door opened and Bucky crept in, clearing hoping that she'd be asleep as he seemed to be surprised that she was up.  
  
"Oh, I thought you'd be asleep," he smiled, trying to mask his slight disappointment.  
  
Alex raised her eyebrows, "Clearly." She muttered.  
  
"If it helps, I'm glad you're not," he walked over and kissed her softly, before moving away to change into the t-shirt and sweats that he slept in.  
  
"Y'know, I was thinking and now we don't have to worry about Strucker, we can go back to the apartment," she smiled, lying back on the bed and watching and Bucky pulled the shirt over his head. "Start getting back to normal."  
  
At this Bucky froze. It was now or never - and as much as he wanted it to be never, it had to be now. "Alex, I think you should go home."   
  
"Yeah, well that's what I'm saying. We can go back and be - I don't know, _comfortable_ again." Alex carried on speaking, unphased by his words.  
  
So, Bucky took a deep breath and tried again, "What I mean is you should go back on your own." He tightly shut his eyes, though he remained with his back to Alex.  
  
"What?" Alex sat bolt upright, though it reminded her that she still had a tender wound which she probably be more careful of.  
  
Bucky turned to face Alex, whose expression held a confused hurt. He moved closer, coming to sit beside her on the bed. "I belong here, Alex - this is all I know how to do." He started to explain himself, "But you - you can have a real life, away from all of this."  
  
"So I'm just meant to leave you?" Alex got up from the bed before Bucky's hand came to rest on hers. "After everything that's happened?"  
  
"You deserve to be happy."  
  
"I am happy!" She raised her voice in an attempt to try and make him understand. "With you. Here."  
  
Bucky reached out for Alex's hand, pulling her gently to come and stand in front of him. He looked up with sad eyes, "The only reason you had to leave was because of me and now you can go back and you won't have to worry about Hydra."  
  
"But, I don't want to go back without you." Tears began to form in Alex's eyes.  
  
And it broke his heart. But he carried on, despite the tears that welled up in his own. "We can't have a life together, Alex. There will always be people after me and I won't make you live like that."   
  
"Don't I get a say in this? I mean, this is my life too!" Bucky could tell that Alex was trying to figure out whether she was upset, angry or just hurt. He stood up, taking her face in his hands and using him thumb to wipe away a stray tear.  
  
"In this case, no. I making this decision for you because you're too nice to leave." He gave her a halfhearted smile. "But you need to before you get hurt again."  
It was painful for Bucky to have to say these things, but they were all right, Alex couldn't be involved in this stuff, she deserved a normal life where she didn't have to worry about her head being shoved in a sink or the possibility of being shot at.  
  
"So I just have to leave? No choice?" Alex swallowed the lump in her throat, trying to steady her voice. All Bucky could do was nod for fear that if he tried to speak his voice would give him away. He didn't _want_ Alex to leave, but she _had_ to. Or at least that was what he was trying to convince himself. "And that's what you want?"  
  
For a while they both just there, eyes locked. Neither spoke, but Alex saw in his eyes that Bucky wasn't going to answer.   
  
"Okay." She relented with a heavy sigh as she blinked back the tears that threatened to fall.   
  
Bucky sat in silence as Alex packed her things into a small bag, "You don't have to go now." He murmured in a quiet voice.  
  
It made Alex smile, but it was a smile that broke his heart. She picked up the bag and walked towards him, stopping only to place a soft kiss on his cheek before she reached the door. "Goodbye, Bucky."  
  
He would've replied, but he was just about holding himself together as it was and if he opened his mouth the was no guarantee that there would even be a voice there. And it was only as the door shut behind Alex that Bucky let out a deep ragged breath as tears began to flood from his eyes. He hated this, but he loved Alex too much to keep her in danger; so if that meant he had to live without her, that's what he would have to do.

  
Steve took Alex back to her apartment and though neither of them said anything, she had a feeling that he knew why she was leaving. But he also knew better than to ask her anything about it. All he did was give Alex a comforting smile as she climbed from the car, waving to him when she reached the door.  
  
As Alex stepped into her apartment it felt completely different than before despite looking the same as it always had. Everywhere she looked there seemed to be something that reminded her of the metal-armed man who had swept her into a whirlwind. So, instead of just dwelling on the memories of Bucky, she got into bed. All those thoughts would still be there when she woke up.

  
  
"It seems that our plan has come to an end."   
  
"I wouldn't be so sure. We may not have the asset, but he has led us to something even better." The agent turned his screen to face his partner, whose confusion changed into a small smirk.  
  
"If it works, she could be even stronger than the asset. But what about Strucker?" He questioned, clearly still concerned about their last leader's demise.  
  
"Strucker was just a pawn in a much larger game. A game that has only just begun. Cut off one head?"   
  
"Two more shall take it's place."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Le finale of this particular fic, thank you all for your lovely comments and support - BUT FEAR NOT READERS - I'm planning to write a sequel, so I'll let you guys know when it's published :3


	15. Chapter 15

Hey guys, I've just posted the beginning to the sequel! 

You can find it in my works - the title's ' _Heal_ '

Hope you guys enjoy it! 

:3 

 


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